Chashme buddoor

When I was in class 10, I really studied like I never studied before, and I hoped that the long hours of strenuous exercise of staring into my books would earn me a cooool CHASHMA! (power glasses to show off my studious self) !!! :P
I complained of eye pain and imagined letters blurring and narrowed my eyes frequently to give myself the illusion that my eyes were definitely weakening now! I even strained my eyes by staring so much and rarely blinking that it brought tears to my eyes and reddened them.

My mom at last convinced that I wasn't pretending about my eyes, took me to the eye specialist.
The doctor checked my eyes and then put some drops in my eyes.
Soon, my vision blurred, and I couldn't see anything in front of me, and then I was secretly ecstatic.. wowowow i would be getting glasses now!!
What I did not know was that those drops was just to enlarge the pupils so that the doctor could have a better view of the insides of my eyes.

The doctor then checked my eyes and then made me wear several glasses and asked me to read letters big and the smallest on the wall!!
I rattled off the big letters and deliberately slowed down more than was necessary to read the fine print..but read them all almost effortlessly.
The doctor then pronounced my eyes as sharp as an eagle. He gave me no more drops and said that I should give breaks in between studies and wash eyes if it reddened, otherwise I was completely fit and fine!

I think I studied quite hard, meaning as hard as hard means to me. So then what did the others read so much that they looked so studious with their thick glasses! I still dont wear chashma though now I own one .25 powered glasses just to wear it sometimes to show how serious types I really am ! :P

Disclaimer: the title is the name of the film and it is only used for the sole purpose of getting more traffic.

Picture from here

Scribbling

As every other child, I loved scribbling.
No, not on paper, but on walls!!

When nobody was watching I would make a dash for the wall and start writing/drawing/scribbling..whatever!
But, I always got caught and punished each time.
Slowly I gave up the habit for fear of punishments. :(

But I didn't do it anymore didn't mean I didn't have the urges to do it anymore.
Once papa announced that the painters would be coming the next day and the house was going to get painted.
I instantly found my urges calling again!

I would scribble and scribble and scribble and this time since the walls was going to get painted, no one would even punish me. So I took out my crayons and wrote and drew and what not!
I knew it wasn't just me who loved doing it and so I called up my cousins who lived close by and invited them to the first ever of its kind scribble party. And were they delighted? Well, we all squealed and scribbled with all our might. Soon it became a kind of competition, about who scribbled best?

Who wrote the most? Who drew the largest?
In short who made the wall most dirty?
Soon, the all the walls were full of crayon marks and we did not even leave the ceiling. We got up on stools and ladders and completed the job!

Phew! it was fun and that day all my urges were satiated!
The painters who came to paint the next day was horrified to find such walls and boy they had a tough time (a week approx) cleaning the walls and scraping off the crayon before they could paint it. :P

I still wish to have a scribbled wall which is never painted so that I can just look at the wall and go back in time!!
picture from here

I LOVE YOU

Somehow I hated movies where the heroine always succumbed to the hero's charms and fell for him lock stock and barrel. Sometimes the hero saved her from gangsters or an evil family member etc.
I was irritated by their behaviour. There are people who sometimes help during emergencies, it is done by anyone who would be present there.. but why the hell do you have to fall in love with that guy??

I wished there was a movie or a story where the heroine never says YES til the last scene! Phew!
The movie came and though it bombed at the box office, I loved it.
It was an Amir Madhuri starer called "Deewana Mujh Sa Nahin.

I have done the same, my love stories ended where and when they all proposed!
The moment, they said I love you, I lost all interest in them.
I don't know why? but I found no thrill and desire left to love back.
Come to think of it, the saying of I love you was the death knell of the relationship!

I still don't believe in love. More than love itself, I hate the proclaiming of it!
If you really loved, do you need to say it?
Isn't love a feeling to be felt? and not heard?

"If you love me, I will know it." Shazia


Picture from here

Stealing?

I was 6 when I first tried to steal.
It was in picturesque Kashmir, where I lost my moral virginity.
We were floating on the Dal Lake and along came another boat laden with silver jewellery and artifacts.
I took a payal (silver anklet) and was busy putting it around my ankle for fit and look. When I looked up, the boat shop had left us and apparently my parents had not wanted to buy anything.

I had mixed feelings.. Should I tell or just keep it?
For the moment I decided to keep it. After all, it was the shopkeepers mistake he didn't take his ware back when he turned his boat shop. I don't think papa or mommy would have bought it for me, in any case.
Maybe it was destined to be with me.

I kept thinking and justifying the reason for it to be with me.
Was I a thief now? Naah, I didn't deliberately steal it.

After a lot of inner turmoil, I finally gave in to my conscience. I tugged at my mom and held out my open palm with the payal in it. She was shocked and admonished me for keeping it with me all this while.. She immediately told papa and he instructed the boatman to start a search for the mobile boatshop.
Luckily we found him pretty fast and the payal was returned to him.

I have never forgotten this incident..somehow!!

Picture from here

Only look old.

Its so strange but we realize we are also getting older by comparing people of our age.
As long as we compare the actresses of the same age as us.. we think we are young by their standards... Aishwarya doesn't look 38.. No Ways.. and I am younger than her.

But, during my last visit to my parents place.. I met my old friends.. some friends I met after almost 17 years and God! have they grown old??!! I cant believe it.
Its been quite a catch up of what happened after we went our ways.. the ups and downs the struggles and smiles..

All these years my mind recollected only the image which was stored when I last met them.. and it was a much younger image than what I saw, when I met them last month.
But, in our hearts we might have never grown because we felt the same as we felt then..
Sure we are parents now.. but meeting with them revived childhood memories which was so refreshing, we felt we were kids again!

Friday prayers

My seven year old nephew is very God fearing and is ready before noon to offer his friday prayers.

Today being a friday, he had a special wish to ask from God!

He was seen earnestly praying and offering his salaat.

When I asked what was it he was asking Allah.

He replied, " Allah and Satan fought and Allah won. So Allah has locked Satan in the bathroom."
So he said he was asking Allah to please take out Satan from the bathroom and lock him elsewhere because it has become very difficult for him to go to the bathroom even during the daytime And he is so scared that Satan may hurt him inside the bathroom.

Amazing wishes of the kids!

Picture from here

Title

I still use my maiden name.
My father asked me if I would change my title to that of my husband's name after marriage.
I was very clear about it. I would never change surname and I gave a valid reason.

"Husbands can come and go but there will never be another father."

Of course going by the same reason, what if my mom married someone else? Wouldn't I have another father?
Was I right in giving such an answer? What made me think my parents had no right to marry again while I thought I had all the rights to do the same?

Strange what we think of others and what we can think of ourselves!!

Picture from here

Scared and Shy

Last week, my broker buzzed me.

He asked me why wasn't I trading. (I used to be that fool in wall street who thought that one had to trade everyday.) Well, I learnt the hard way, and when I learn a lesson, I am particular not to learn it again.
So, I told him, I am in the learning stage and my baby is giving me good company right now.
He insisted that I still trade in small quantities. So I blurted out the bitter truth. I told him, I was scared to touch stocks now. He wouldn't believe it. He said," You and scared, I don't believe this!"

Now was that a compliment?

Next there was a call from a friend, who was a friend of uh hmm a close friend.
Well, he said that the close friend would like to reconnect and he gave me his mobile number.
I said that I could no longer talk to him, and both of us are married and this was wrong.
He was insistent and said that, its okay, just get updated and have a casual talk.
And then I had to tell him the truth, I told him I was shy and I couldn't do that.
Guess what? he wouldn't believe it. He said, " You and shy, I don't believe this!!"

Now what was that again?

Picture from here

What does real beauty mean to you?

Big eyes.

Slim figure.
Fair and tall
Nice smile
That is real beauty?


As a child, fairy tales enchanted me and I looked forward to my prince charming. But Prince Charming would not settle for a vain and naughty girl, so I studied the princesses the prince liked.. and made them my ideal. There was a story of “The princess and the pea.” This story had a real princess who was very beautiful and so so delicate that even 20 mattresses couldn't stop the pea underneath them to bother the princess.

That for me was real beauty..

In my own house, the princess took the shape of my very beautiful mommy, she has a heart of gold, not so delicate with all the housework and taking care of us, a little tough but beautiful to my eyes.
When I was in standard 1 and I got to make sentences for the word “beautiful,” I always wrote.. “ my mommy is so beautiful!”

That was real beauty to me.

As I grew older and stepping into the threshold of teenage, and more exposed to the world, I discovered films and the heroines who looked really beautiful and I wished I was like any of them! Wished I had the smile of Madhuri, the figure of Zeenat, the spontaneity of Juhi and so on.
That for me was real beauty.

Then I got married and on my wedding day, I thought I really looked nice.. and splendid with all eyes only for me and people fussing over me all the time..I felt on top of the world and so happy!

That for me was real beauty.

My first born was a girl and I asked everyone,“have you seen a more cuter baby than mine?” I was ecstatic, and so happy I could make such a beautiful baby.

My babies are my real beauty.

Being a very hyper and a moody girl, I had some turbulent times, during the beginning of marriage. Times when I thought I should give it all up, but thank god my husband never listened to me when I said, “ leave me alone!” he never left me!

That for me was real beauty.

I have a few nice friends, they sometimes unknowingly make my day, by sharing with me their thoughts. Men and women who take me as I am and bring on cheer to me and boost my morale.
That for me is real beauty!


I find that intelligence and gentle behavior is the necessary ingredient for real beauty. While beauty is important to a woman, strength of character makes a man more attractive.
A woman who is pretty but not sweet natured is a turn off, just like an expensive thing which can be bought only because of conspicuous demand, but apart from show off, it has no intrinsic value to it.
If you are beautiful, you have a passport, but if you don't behave well, you don't get visa to visit.


It is intelligence which gives tact to your actions and reactions. But intelligence without sweetness is also a turn off. Its like a machine who works only with logic and no human feelings. Only logic will drain you of life.
If you have beauty and intelligence, you can be an apple pad or any machine, but not human!


As time passes, I grow older and wiser, the meaning of real beauty metamorphosed from an external to an internal one. Sure the outside beauty is very appealing to the eyes, but our other senses want more.
"A thing of beauty is joy forever." by John Keats. How do you get joy? Joy should not be only for you. Give and get joy!
It is a combination of outer physical and inner mental beauty which can only be really beautiful.
I must mention that, the inner beauty in the long run outweighs the importance of physical beauty which in any case fades away.

Real beauty is one where all senses unify and say together, along with the heart and mind.. 
that is real beauty!

Readers can read more at http://realbeauty.yahoo.com/

Back

I am back ..
I said earlier that I am a bad girl.
see all my attributes here http://shaziawish.blogspot.com/2011/04/munni-badnaam.html
and here http://shaziawish.blogspot.com/2010/11/sulking.html
and more http://shaziawish.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-wish-i-were-dead.html
I guess there are more.. but more links arent a very fancy idea!! at least to me!

All I can say is that I hope I don't repeat my histrionics ever again!
Thanks to all those who wanted me to come back and write again!

hi-society blues!

Last weekend, there was a party at the most affluent relative in our circle of relatives!

Needless to say, there was a lot of fuss on dress! My mil was specifically concerned that I wore a presentable dress. Reason? Of late, I have taken a fancy to sanyaas, meaning I don't care if my horoscope says, that I will never be contented, I want to contradict that and be contented. As a result of which I have stopped buying and instead have tried to recycle and mix n match, sometimes even borrow to wear!

At the party, a it usually happens, everybody is busy flaunting their expensive dresses and artificial smiles.. Each one is trying to outdo the other in respect of anything, be it foreign holidays, expensive jewellery or even number of servants!

Following is an excerpt of my conversation with her.. ( I added some zing to the morbid conversation to make it funny and readable!)

One lady said; "Nowadays, a cook is a necessity and almost each household must have one!

Me; "Err? I beg to differ, so what do you do? perhaps teach kids?"

She; "Oh no, I cant teach my kids, I send them for tuition, they are such brats, dont listen to me at all!"

Me; "Ok, so perhaps you are working?"

She; "Me work? Why would I work? My husband works, I dont need to work."

Me; "hmm, so its a good life for you, no work, just eat sleep and be merry."

She; "Oh no, cant be eating and sleeping, I have got to watch my weight, I only drink, liquid diet, you see. Then I have to go to the gym and workout!" (FYI: she was as thin as a stick)
Me; "I see, gymming must tire you?

She; "Yes, it does, its very tiring, so I go alternate days."

Me; "What do you do on the days you dont go to the gym?

She; "Oh lots of things, sometimes I have to go to the market, sometimes to the beauty parlor, sometimes to the tailor." She went on, "market reminds me of the new lip color launched by Lakme, have you seen it? I bought it last time, it was such a nice new mauve, with a hint of purple and pink both. Now I am on the lookout for a dress to match that lip color, I hope I find it soon, otherwise I will have to order for it in the boutique. Then of course buy a mauve pair of sandals to go with it, and a host of other accessories!

Me, "WOW! that is such an intimidating task. When I get my daughter married I will ask you to do her wardrobe!" ;))

She was pleased and I was pleased to leave her! whew!

Picture from here

chor chor

March 2008

I was driving a Maruti 800, while my mommy was sitting beside me. The windows were rolled down, and I had stopped at a red signal. My handbag lay on the front dashboard.
All of a sudden there was a hand, it swiftly grasped my bag and out of the window in a span of few seconds. Although my mom could have caught the hand, she was too stunned to react.
It took us another second to realize that the bag was stolen. The thief was running away with the bag, and my mommy got out of the car and shouted, chor chor!

Thankfully we were just behind one auto rickshaw, and that auto rickshaw wala on hearing our plea for help, deftly started his auto and ran after the thief and confronted him from the other side. I also started my car and started to race it towards the thief. I stopped the car(actually almost bumped into a pavement, in my panic I had forgotten where the brakes were!) and got out and started running alongside the auto wala in the middle of the road.

Soon, some local people also joined in the race. The thief in panic had jumped over an empty truck and then when he jumped out of it, he no longer had the bag with him. There were some pedestrian dwellers who had seen him dropping the bag in the truck and one of them jumped in the truck to fetch my bag. As soon as I got my bag, I checked the contents, which were intact.

Meanwhile the auto rickshaw wala and other local people had caught the thief and they asked me to hand him over to the police station. I went and reprimanded the thief for stealing my bag. he was begging for mercy and asked me not hand him over to the police. He looked so weak and poor, I felt pity for him and let him go.

I gave a 100 rupee note as a thank you to the auto wala who had acted out of humanity and helped me get my bag back. I looked back where the crowd with the thief was, he was gone and the crowd dispersed as quickly as it had gathered.

As an afterthought, I wanted to give the thief some money, I thought maybe he was hungry and he stole out of desperado!? He sure looked so weak and hungry. I still regret not being able to help the poor thief.. What caused him to steal?

am too busy to care, but want to do something. Jaago Re and BlogAdda.com are helping me do my bit for the society.
Picture from here

Great Expectations

I have seen so many times, that a rich man is very quick to announce his alliance with another rich(er) man, and will also go to lengths explaining that he is also a distant cousin (and how?) Seldom do we see them banging the church bell and acknowledging a poor man even if he is his closest cousin (or maybe brother). 

Its as if a girl cannot be just friends with a boy.

And why would a boy want to befriend a girl only for friendship? There is always an expectation of returns.. a just friendship and nothing else with the opposite gender just doesn't work.. Naah not possible!

Likewise a rich man cannot have poor relatives. Even if he has, he makes no bones about it for sure!
And why would the rich want to play relative relative to poor relatives? That poor relative will probably suck him out of all his riches, and where there is no return, the rich never invest! You can call it a trade secret!

And when its the matter of rich girl and poor boy or vice versa... no match at all!! noways especially in the current scenario where expectations has to match all the time! Bring in a poor girl and you get tied to poor relatives, so get yourself a rich girl (ugly will do) with a rich(er) father. duh! duh!

I know a hell lot of people who do the same, and seldom meet people who dont!

The moment a newbee (read richie rich) enters the social ladder, almost everyone is out to prove how he or his wife (or even his servant) is related to him in so and so (many long curvy) ways!

Pissed off!

Picture from here

Munni badnaam.

Scoundrel! Notorious!! Arrogant!!!

Yes I was all.
In my locality at least!

graffiti

Me and my sister had one bicycle, which we rode to tuition classes. On one day she rode it while I walked and the next day I rode while she walked. It was her turn that day, she was riding and I was following from behind. One of the locality boys who was playing cricket came from nowhere and hit the back tyre of the cycle with his bat! My sister rode away without as much as an angry glance. Little did the boy know that a tight slap awaited him. I was infuriated! How dare he? I took aim and slapped the boy who was too stunned to reply to whatever curse I spat out at him at the same time. I left with a warning, "dare you come near my cycle."

The next morning when I woke up I saw the walls of neighboring buildings slashed across with my name like a graffiti, and a few niceties like the above along with it. Needless to say, I was the vamp of the neighborhood! the unfriendly girl next door!


The above incident took place when I was in class 7.
I was munni badnaam (infamous) and gandi(bad) bachi :P way back!!

Picture from here

The Silver wish

I love jewelery. Its always been a weakness.
Just today I went to a jewellery shop and I was lured into buying a pair of silver bichiyas (toe rings).
I had been wanting to own a pair of them since a long time and finally I am a proud owner!

Its simple and cute.

                                       toe rings or Bichiyas                                   worn on the toes.

There were some jewelery sets in the shop which looked like gold but were made of silver. I absolutely hate that. The idea behind wearing that is to deceive people. Make them think, you are wearing gold, but you are wearing silver!

Nowadays I have taken a fancy to silver jewellery and I want to buy a full set with a dozen or so silver bangles and maang tika etc. I want to wear a full silver ensemble with a gray dress. (Like Sadhana in the song mere mehboob tujhe . ) Although the silver prices are sky rocketing, I don't know if I am going to be able to buy the full set!! :( just yet!

I would wear artificial only if it looked artificial. Likewise, a gold piece should not have any black copper or silver polish. Yucks! Gold has to be yellow, pure yellow. Silver has to be white, pure white! Thats the way I love them!

Sometime back I was at a party and I wore a nice sparkling necklace. I found quite a lot of people getting attracted by it. It wasn't something which seemed real, one can make out what is real and what is not. But, I felt awkward because it was drawing so much attention, so to each person who talked to me but gazed at my neck, I blurted, this is a cheap artificial one. I hoped that would get the eye off my neck at least!

I dont know why? but I am like that!

desperate to be 18

You cant vote till you are 18.
You cant write a cheque till you are 18.
You cant go there, or do this, till you are 18.

Urghh!! The days preceding to my 18th birthday advanced at a snail's pace.
At last I was 18, and I wanted to fly. I felt I was free of the so many don't do's.
I was an adult now and people were going to take me seriously at last.
And not to mention the above 18 movies.. ;;)

I made a plan to celebrate my adulthood.
According to me, after 18 meant, I was eligible to make decisions for my self.
I wanted to go somewhere, with my friends and no parents or teachers.. just a group of my girl gang..
In retrospect, it wasn't very difficult to persuade my parents to let me go alone. Maybe in those days, it was less dangerous than now, or perhaps they had immense confidence in me! (wow)

So I made arrangements, planned a getaway to Darjeeling and Gangtok for a week and was gone with friends. We were 10 of us and we had a blast!.. We did all that boys would do to girls, we winked at boys, passed obnoxious comments, pointed at them, meaning we acted real coquettish. 

There was one particular group of boys who landed up wherever we went, and coincidently were also our travel companions on the train back home. Real cute guys :P
And I make no bones in saying that we did everything to make sure, they did not forget us for the rest of their lives.. ( have I forgotten? )

The freedom after 18 was all that was most important! And boy, did I enjoy!!

Picture from here

far away

Far is aWAY.

bewildered!

This happened to me..

I got up with a start, looked at the time.. it was 5:10. I thought the clock had stopped and then I looked at the mobile phone and there also it was same time, I was shocked, I could see light outside the window. It was unusual to have so much light at this time of the day. Did the sun get up early now? My son was sleeping beside me. I started waking him up.. "get up get up.. wont you go to school? get up.." he wouldn't budge.

Then I looked around me and saw that I was sleeping on the bed with its cover on. I thought, did I sleep last night with the cover on? I tried to recall, but I had no recollection of the previous night. I was blank!
It was so wierd. After about 2 minutes,reality sunk in and I was relieved that it was just evening, and this was just an afternoon nap! How come I felt otherwise? Why wasn't my brain functioning normally?

I had slept only for about half an hour, and I felt I had slept throughout the night...The important thing is that it took me much more than usual to see reality!

I am still bewildered!

Picture from here

Under the bed.

I got a ghost under my bed.. got scared? :)
Its a ghost of memories!

The other day I removed my mattress and opened the plank under it.
As I was keeping my woolen blankets et al away, a little box caught my eye, it was my box of mementos. and I, instead of finishing of my chores of keeping things away, I sat down and opened the box, and feelings of nostalgia gripped me as I went through my cards/letters, my school badge, my little nick nacks. I had a habit of keeping small things.. even if it was a ticket to a park/movie or a weighing scale ticket! Thank God I wasn't born in the digital era, where most cards or letters would be always stored in a micro SD card or a pen drive, or probably just gone into thin air!

This time I found a small packet tucked away in a corner. When I opened it, I saw it was my school shirt which I wore to school on the last day. It was scribbled with notes from my class mates and friends all over it, and the messages are still clear and readable. I went through all of them and the last day of school was so vivid and the faces of friends as they were then!!

Of course I have reconnected with most of my mates from school, but time has erected a wall.. and each of us have a newer and more closer circle with whom we interact more than with those reconnected friends... Its good though to know where they are and their current statuses.

I had cried lots on the last day of school.

I couldn't bear the thought of never being able to walk through the gates again.

I would miss everything, the gate, the classrooms, the familiar atmosphere, the teachers, the classmates...

The last year of school was like back counting for me, and soon it was all over.. school was over!

As I closed the box and kept away the contents.. I thought how time flies!!
That box is like a time machine, when I open it I travel back in time..

And did you think this was a post on ghosts?? :P

Picture from here

SHUT UP!

Notice when anything goes wrong, any accident, anything.. almost everyone wants to know what happened.
Some start the blame game, "you shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have gone there, if only you had listened to me.. blah blah. Most people have a habit of blowing their top off.

Its just like when you catch an infection or get sick, and then also people say, " should have been careful, had an apple everyday.. blah blah..

Seldom does any one come up with a solution.. so much time is wasted in arguing for the sake of showing how right you are yourself!

I get mighty irritated. I don't understand why people who don't offer solutions, keep their traps shut!!

I feel like screaming, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

Picture from here

Fault and guilt!

If you are an authority and you order someone, (for example, a king to his people, or a parent to his kid, or a man to his wife) and your order is not followed, then you don't blame them. Admit it, its your fault...


My parents were perfect role model for me. My father was the perfect picture of a dominant and a strict husband and father. I was both in awe and intimidated by him. My mom was the perfect picture of the soft spoken wife and a doting mother.
I believed that, that was the way to be.

In the beginning of my marriage, I looked upon my husband as my mother looked upon and waited on my father.
I would do as he asked, not questioning him, serving him, doing everything I saw my mom do.

Somewhere along the line, I don't know when, I crossed the limits..
Once my husband asked me to do something and I snapped back at him. Only a moment later, I realized my mistake and I was horrified at what I had done! I went back to apologize, but my husband didn't look for an apology. He was actually not bothered by what I had said to him.

I was guilt ridden, my husband is so good!
What if my mom had spoken rudely to my father? I am sure my mom daren't, and if she did, all hell would have broken loose! I remained silently guilty..I wished my husband would have at least shot a reply back to keep my trap in check.

Sometime later, as women often do, I discussed this with my (bhabi) sister in law. She told me that it wasn't my fault, it was his fault, why I did what I did. She explained that there was a reason why we were scared to shit of our fathers..
The Gods don't make them anymore.. or even if he does, the women have become more fearless and spiteful so God doesn't even make women like mom anymore .. :(

Picture from here

figuratively speaking

figure it out

big figure
small figure
both figures in figure
the first figure appeals to females
the second figure appeals to men!

Now figure it out?

AC

This year summer wont be hot for my kids.
School has installed AC for all classrooms. cool! They were ecstatic and bragged about it to other cousins.
Not to forget, the smart classes which uses the internet is also installed in their classrooms! I hope some of them can become a second Einstein.. so much facility they get! Isnt it directly proportionate to expectations/results?

I see kids dont need the AC really.
I have seen my kids play and then sometimes are so tired, they go to sleep straightaway without even switching on the fan. I see them sleeping soundly and switch on the fan or sometimes the AC. As a parent I am worried for the comfort of my child. I feel sad if he is sleeping without the AC.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and he was telling me about the expenses of the hostel in which his son studies. He said that since his son has opted for the AC hostel the expenses are more.

I thought how nice! The kids are given the perfect atmosphere to be nicely cushioned.
Later on in life, if they complain, because they don't get what they want within their comfort zone, then is it their fault? No. We have brought them up to be nice and comfortable. How the hell do they know what it is to slog in the middle of the day without an AC.

I even see houses now built with an AC provision, the ceilings are lower and even the glass windows are seldom opened for fear of dust( the showpieces get dusty na) and insects!

I have a friend, he complains about the heat often and despite my repeated requests will not install an AC. He says, he doesn't want to indulge, and he can well afford it! WOW

As I write this, sitting in an AC room, am wondering.. What a life!!

picture from here

insects and animals

I wonder why some people shriek when they see a cockroach or a lizard for that matter!
Even lizards can look cute.. see their pictures I took (http://shaziawish.blogspot.com/p/snapshots.html)

Why? They don't do any harm at all!

If at all, it is us who must be really foreboding for them insects!

When I stayed at my village, it was my sole duty to ward off any insect which came out of the soil to trouble my cousins. Even the male cousins were scared to death if they saw a spider or a lizard or any other new insect inside the vicinity of the house.
But I was like a menace for the insects, I am sure they shrieked when they saw me!.
Up came my slipper and down on them and crashed them if they didn't fly away before I reached them.

Back home, there used to be an army of cockroaches in the kitchen and I spent many a busy time spanking the shit out of them. I remember I once had this very annoying habit of collecting flies and putting them inside a bottle or any container for that matter.. Makkhi maar I was!
I still can catch them with just one swish of my hand!

Sometime back a couple of monkeys entered the house and was scaring all to death. When I came out and saw the commotion, I took out a stick and went after them. One of them was beeg and when I raised the stick he gnarled at me and made a noise. I hesitated and even got a little unsteady and scared, but I wasn't the one to back out, I gnashed at it and banged the stick on the ground, took another step towards it, till it got scared enough to back out and escape from the terrace!

Recently I have this strange longing to see the tiger sans cage, so I have been hopping across forests (Sariska and Sundarbans) inhabited by tigers, but I havent been able to sight them yet! I have heard gir forest has abundant tigers and I hope to visit that in the future and hope I see the majestic tiger this time!

brat?

Dont talk with the boys on the roadside.
This was what was instructed to me repeatedly.

When I walked I usually had my eyes fixedly on the ground right in front of me, I seldom looked beyond a couple of meters and deliberately avoided to meet people lest I would recognize some one and would have to chat with them. I tried to follow mom's instructions very solemnly.

Once my school sir told me that he had seen me on the streets and had waved and called out to me but my eyes stuck to the ground and I had not even heard him above the traffic noise, but if I had been looking up, I would have definitely caught his waving hand!

It happened once that I met my tuition sir on the road, near my house. I had to acknowledge him and chatted with him for 2 mins only. Mom saw me from her balcony and admonished me for talking to men right in front of the house. I told her it was just Sir, but she said that she knew it was Sir, but that Sir was young and what if anyone saw me?!. She was really worried because I lived in a locality which was also inhabited by relatives and community people. I snapped back at her, “ how is it that I can study with a young sir all alone in the room and sometimes all alone in the house for 2 hours and cant acknowledge even his presence on a road filled with passers by?” I was pissed! :@

In our community, it was almost fatal if I was caught red handed talking to a boy. As it is, mom worried because I was always hanging out a lot and she believed I must be having a lot of boyfriends!
And I wasn't drawing a very good picture by being so fiercely independent and uncontrollable at times.
I was sure nobody in their right sense would ever send a proposal for marriage. I knew some proposals were there, but they were quite hesitant because knowing me well, they procrastinated and wanted to be doubly sure if I was going to be the right girl!

I don't know, if it was my good fortune or my father's good name, but I married into a nice enough and decent family. Personally, I still think I was a brat! (and still am) My own definition of brat goes like..

B= Brilliant

R= Real

A= Attitude

T= Terrific!

Just friends!

It was only natural and given for a girl to fall in love, and it surely happened to me on some occasions.
Although, it will be wrong to say that it was really love for me.
It must have been infatuation for I kept coming out of it and it never lasted enough for me to contemplate about any of them and marriage was out.. (never believed in love marriages anyways).

Sometimes, it wasn't love at all and the following was when it was more of a competition between friends about who gets him first!!

One of them, I met at an icecream parlour while I was hanging around with friends.
There was this really cute and fair and out of the movies kind and we stared at him and pointed fingers at him and made it fairly obvious that we were making all the noise for his sake! To be honest, most of the noise and hoopla was made basically by me alone.

We left soon after and I was suddenly overtaken by a bike rider who knocked on my window, and I was aghast to see the cute guy. He said he had been quite aware of us and wanted a telephone number for further exchange. I quickly gave him mine. When he was gone, my friend said, " you should have given him my number, it was me he was interested in." She said she was sure since she had caught him looking in the eye more than once. I differed to that, but I told her that it would be clear whom he sought, after he called.

Sure enough, he called and I was right because it was me he was interested in. :) After winning over a guy over my friend I was quite thrilled. My friend wasn't in any ways not pretty, she if at all was prettier than me.
I don't know why he chose me over her. Anyways, he didn't matter much to me, apart from being a prized catch. I thought I would just hang around with him for some days, since I was free at that point of time. I had no further interest in him, than having him as just a friend.

He called almost everyday and I chatted with him over the phone and met him for a couple of times. All was going well, until he proposed, well err actually I proposed for him, since he seemed to be very shy and I knew that he wanted more than just platonic friendship.  I had to make it clear to him then and there. That was the end of our comradeship. I don't know why cant boys and girls be just friends and not involve love in the relationship!

picture from here

Maybe my overtures and my gregarious nature made him think that way, maybe I shouldn't have encouraged him and kept distance.. but I behaved as I behaved with my girl friends and I wanted just friendship. I think I did!! Didn't I? :P

Perhaps I had the constant need of reassurance that I wasn't as ugly as mom made us think about us. I saw boys were attracted to me and I had more than my share of flings with the boys. Don't get ideas, I never crossed my limits.. I ain't that silly!

Double storeyed farming

I was teaching my son history and I was explaining to him how the Aryans started immigrating to eastern Europe and western Asia, in need of more pasture lands, due to an increase in their own population.
Even the kings wanted to own more and more land to grow more food..

I was mentally thinking, what now?
We have been rising in population, and the land isn't going to increase. With tsunami's occurring often, more and more land can get submerged in water!
I suddenly has the idea of double storeyed farming. I shared this with a friend, and he said it would be difficult for the plant on the ground to get sunlight. I said it could be solved through mirror deflection. Also there are crops who may not need so much sunlight to grow, which can be grown on the ground also. The crops needing the most sunlight can be grown on top.

Quite a weird (but unique huh) idea, lets see if it comes true. So much weird things have already become truth and history. :)

Can do better..

To tell you the truth, I never aspired to come first.
Although, people told me I could, if I tried hard enough, I had the makings to get the top rank.
but I pitied the people who came "first," for two reasons. Firstly they slogged the whole year to come first and then they did (clap), and then they slogged hard to maintain status quo! Not to forget, they made more friends than enemies. Did I also forget to say, they didn't really have time for friends? Poor souls! I really pitied them.
How could I aspire to become that? No, I couldn't, wouldn't, daren't. :) I was only too happy to be receiving this comment from teachers and parent all throughout my academic life, (which is only school anyways), "Can do better."

I had the good fortune to be taught by the best teachers, and I love them and my alma mater. Some teachers boosted my ego like a balloon. I remember my maths teacher, particularly, who expected me to get 100 out of 100 and he compared me to a calculator. There was this girl in class, who bought with her a calculator, and sometimes when Sir was explaining some complex maths problem, he often asked her to do the quick calculation with her calculator and asked me to do it mentally and then challenged my speed!! I used to get :@. what is this? How can I calculate faster than the calculator? But, this was the kind of confidence he had in me! But nothing could make me come first, I never really tried. I was happy the way I was doing good, almost above average. Guess I was a real brat in all sense of the word!

I couldn't waste time with books if the weather outside was wowow or romantically raining! I always thought, "yeh din laut ke nahi aayenge." (meaning these days wont come again) and jumped out to play! So what if I got a few marks less? I was happy. Isn't Happiness is all that really matters?
Would I have any loving memories of childhood, if I goaded my head in textbooks and never had fun? Naah, I dont think so. I have no regrets.

Can do better? I think I did the best. What do you think?

Picture from here

Drive wild!

OK. it was a beeg thing in my community if a girl drove .. learnt driving before marriage!!
Sure, after marriage, you can do anything provided your husband allows you to, but not before.

Rules like these NEVER  applied to me. or rather, I never let the rules remain rules, I always broke them.
I asked my father for the money to learn driving from the driving schools. Of course papa said NO.
Would that stop me? Ok.. dont give me the money.. I will learn on my own.. I started to watch the driver, how he drove and how he changed the gears.. asking him questions in between as to why he did what he did... and how? I even managed to get the steering from him, so that I got some steering practice.

We had a Maruti 800, and I practiced driving with it. I used to stealthily take the keys in the afternoons, when everybody slept and tiptoed out of the house, get in the car and practice driving forward and backwards on the footpath (it used to be broad enough in those days), in just about a space of 15 feet and 20 if the footpath was bereft of cars. But I got a real high doing things like that.. :P
Suffice to say that my back driving is as good as my front one.

Once I learned it quite well to be driving it on the roads, there was no stopping me. I ate drank and slept driving. I had great pleasure in parking the car in the minuscule of parking slots in one go. I dream't of manoeuvring the car in toughest of traffic situations. I looked at all the buses and trucks as if they were dinosaurs out from the Jurassic park and I had to duck and dodge them all the time!

But, I learnt driving well in the end. I can say I am quite a good driver.
I have been wild and I was wild with my driving too. There were times there were almost 14 of us packed together in that tiny car.. wondering how? Well, thats one thing we Indians only have the liberty to do!

Vidyasagar Setu (the bridge over Hooghly)

I used to go for morning walks to the Victoria Maidan in Calcutta. I picked up friends and then a bunch of us would walk for half an hour and then drive off.. I stepped on the gas pedal as soon as the car reached the Vidyasagar Setu, a newly constructed bridge across the river Hooghly. In the morning hours it would be practically empty of any traffic. The speedometer showed the maximum limit which was 120km/hr for that car,only 800cc na. By this time I was usually in the middle of the bridge, and then I switched of the ignition, held the steering steady with my left hand, got up and sat on the window sill of the car and yaayyy, screamed and hooted and breathed deeeeep! I got such a kick doing these stuff!!

Looking back, I know I was crazy and bad, and I hope my kids never even get a fraction of my craziness in their genes!

Picture from here and here

Chal chaiya chaiya.. destination 1

Shot taken from the train..

It was raining as soon as we entered the north eastern states...(and it rained as we left).
The small hills and lush tea gardens greeted our sight. Video I took from the train.
The climate is so different from the west of India ( had been to Rajasthan 5 months back) to the east of India. The wetness of the East as compared to the dryness of the west is so welcome a change.
The first incidence that striked me was the dis connectivity of my mobile phone, At first I thought there must be a tower problem, but soon I found out that my prepaid wouldn't work in the North East (and in Kashmir) due to security reasons in the troubled states.

I forgot to mention I was an inhabitant of Tinsukia, (once upon a time I called it TinDUKHia) a small town in upper Assam. To say the least, and let bygones be bygones, I will defer to say now, that this trip of a fortnight was a much memorable and enjoyable than the five years spent there.
All of a sudden, I loved everything about the place, the weather, the house, the people..
It was a travel back in time, it was almost ten years since I left that place which was my home at one point in time. The house was the same, the furnitures,curtains, everything same, people same although a bit older. The lifestyle there hasnt changed much. I spent some first stupefied minutes as I stepped in the house there..

There was a particular friend there who was my only friend and confidante there, and whom I had to visit no matter what. A good 6 days passed before I finally landed up at her house unannounced. She had already gotten whiff of my presence in the town and had been waiting for my visit. Apparently she told her kids stories about our friendship, and she said that, I wouldn't dare to step out of the town without meeting her. Since I was a good 6 days late, her teenaged son had already started teasing her and saying, "your best friend did't turn up?" :)
This friend is still living like she was living 10 years ago, absolutely no change, never goes out (isn't allowed to, in fact) anywhere, her world is her house, (reason I had to visit her and not vice versa).

I went through each part of our house, especially the part which housed my rooms. I had never thought I would return there some day, although being a beeg house of a large joint family, members of the family still live there. Although my rooms were bare and nothing in there anymore, I stood there imagining and lapsed into the timeless past.. hmm cant exactly put my thoughts in words here!

Aaah, it was nice to go back, visit and reminisce. I did some shopping too and have bought myself a muga mekhala, a traditional silk saree, which I plan to wear at the next beeg do.

Muga mekhala I bought for myself.