Friday, November 5, 2010

i wish i were dead..


and you thought I was very positive?
just because I always smile?
just because I seldom complain?
Just because I show spirit?
I have my ups and downs, but I pretend that I am happy.

I am reminded of the nursery rhyme
"There was a little girl, who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very very good!
But, when she was bad, she was HORRID!
And thats exactly what I am
Right now I am horrid and I cant think of a day I was ever good!

When I was small, I picked up fights very often, stopped talking to my uncles for days, even months..I hated my life, I thought no one loved me and felt so unwanted. Maybe I was just a spoilt and pampered brat!

I'd wish I was never born. I had no control over my birth, have no control over my life and no control on death!
I am a masochist and love to inflict pain on myself..
I have have gone hungry for days and have had sleeping pills, refused any companionship and shut myself up for days!

Does it help? Dont know for sure.. but its my only way out
Keep sulking..


2 comments:

  1. Shazia,Such a lot of emotions,activity,and all this caused u to want to feel dead???

    U have shown so much aliveness, but only thing was,it was not shared.

    Your words have made me feel that the trick to life was SHARING.

    THANKS.

    ReplyDelete
  2. He he.. written in a moment of exasperation!
    Everything is back to normal now.
    Yes, sharing does help.. A LOT

    ReplyDelete