Thursday, July 25, 2013

Rural encounter.

Picture credit

A few days back I was sitting in a gold and silversmith's shop when two village belles strode in asking for a quarter of gold. One of them was very old and the other perhaps her daughter or daughter in law. Both wore those above calf length skirts with choli and dupatta. Looking at them I was reminded of the movies of yesteryears when most of the stories revolved around village belles who would be dressed like that. I had never seen villagers wear anything like that even though I used to spend summer holidays at a village in north UP.
I asked the older one what would she do with the quarter? The shopkeeper started to give an explanation instead and he said that they take pieces of gold and make their own ornaments. Whatever they wear is heavy solid and pure.
I was pleasantly surprised to see how talented, creative and independent the rural people are!

The older woman went on to say that the purpose of jewellery is to be heavy and chain like so that any woman wearing it has to feel the weight of it and be weighed down by it. A heavy necklace would ensure she didn't dare raise her head (or her voice). Heavy anklets ensured she could never run away. This is a kind of women policing women.

I don't know if it is right or wrong.. but after women have been liberated, men are a frustrated lot, they seem to hate the women who take away their jobs right from under their nose, who refuse to stay at home and wait upon them. On top of this, there are lesser females being born because of the male preference and thanks to foetal sex determination tests! was a nice experience to know life of the villagers!

Sunday, July 14, 2013


I recently had to strip my entire wooden cupboard which had gotten infected with termites. When all the furnishings gone and the room barren and empty, the room seemed fairly large but what struck me was the echoes. In the beginning I just went to that room and said things to hear my own echo. My kids were also a little intrigued as to how the same room didn't sound before, the way it did now.

I went on a tangent of thought. I think echo happens when there is a sudden vacuum where there was something or someone? Then the place is larger and staying in that place is noisier because everything reverberates.
Now, what happens when someone is gone from your life, a lover, a child, a parent?
These are close people, when you talk to them you don't hear yourself back, it is comforting to have people there responding to you, tending to you, making you smile cry and laugh.
Sometimes, they go without notice which is most painful, but whatever the reason, the fact that they go and leave behind a vacuum which creates an echo is what I am concerned about.

How do you deal with that echo?
Some people shut themselves from their self because they don't want to admit that there is a vacuum and there is a pain of a loss. They go into self denial, create barriers around them so that no one else can enter and they never have to feel the echo of someone gone again.

Sometimes, one starts to look for some"one" to fill in  and sometimes one goes on a frenzy of making too many friends, thereby drowning the noise of the echo inside them by superficial external noises. This is also not a permanent fix is what I believe, but perhaps better than the first option of creating barriers and isolating yourself.
When you find that someone whom you can be as close, you perhaps rush into it, thinking automatically that the other person will fill in the vacuum just as a perfect glove fit. When this doesn't happen as it is bound to, one goes on a frenzy of making friends still trying to find someone to fill in....a perfect glove fit!

Neither should one stay forever in isolation and neither should one try to find the perfect fit.. the one who is gone is irreplaceable because you will see in nature there are no two leaves which are identical even if it sprouts from the same tree. This expectation is turning you to your own worst enemy!
I believe at times, one has to let go and it is not your fault, you cannot suffer for one mistake or one unfortunate event forever, you make a mistake, you punish yourself and then you move on, but going on punishing yourself forever, is not right, and is unjustified.

Too much of isolation makes one more fragile and any contact with people is stressful and too much of socialising is numbing and makes one out of sync with their own emotions.
The mountains are isolated places and hence fragile so what happened to Uttarakhand was because of too much stress with too many people thronging and causing immense stress to a place in need and habit of isolation..

I know it is easier said than done, but what's easy is boring too and life is nothing but boring no?
Some things are beyond our control like the supernaturals and that is what is beautifully brought out in the movie I watched last night. People who don't believe in God or miracles, have the hardest time in letting go, so perhaps if they met a spirit...they would change :)
Last night I was watching Talaash, the movie talks about spirits who move around and look for people who have deep pain or as I call it echoes inside and try to connect with them. I think I have become one such spirit!!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

mirror mirror on the wall

photo credit
It is true that some people come into your life and bring out the best in you.
We fall in love with that person because we feel so nice with that person and we put forward our best behavior.
If the above holds true then there are some people who take out the worst in us and we hate that person and never want to ever remain in touch with the same.

If what people do is take out the best or beast in "US" then I wonder why do we love or hate them when the qualities that have come to the fore is uniquely entirely US.

Why do we love the mirror which shows the good in us and why do we hate the mirror which show the bad in us?
First of all, I think one should realise that we may think that our responses which were evil was because the other person was evil and we keep blaming the other for the bad things that happened because of him/her. We hate to see the part where it is as much as our own selves which is reflected in the whole encounter!!

A certain husband took out the best in his wife not because perhaps the husband was good so much as that wife who was inherently a good lady. Similarly for the worst!

So what are we really putting the blame and loving and hating someone else for what we are inside??
Perhaps we aren't brave enough to encounter or face upfront the evil things that reside in us and can never accept that it is "me" who is wrong, but even if we try or for that matter if I understand it, I am unable to rectify it and turn my own weaknesses into strength!!
Knowing your beast should help overcome it, but perhaps I am too weak and allow the beast to overcome me.
It must be true that the beast must be inside everyone. When we come face to face with our beastly side we can't stand it, although I think the sooner a person is aware of it the better for him to grow out of  it and overcome it and it can be done with the right attitude. The attitude of survival and the love for life.....

Maybe someday I will... maybe maybe!!