Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Now or Later.

My friend and I was talking about books and he told me he was reading a book which I could also like. I told him to send me the name of the book via mail. He asked me if it was OK to send it later as he wasn't connected to his wifi etc. This friend and myself are people who get on to do anything that has to be done immediately.
We have often spoken about how good we are in doing things much ahead of deadlines, and prided on it.
We hate people for whom there is no urgency and who treat any work as will do it soon (the train isn't leaving yet is it?) as and when the deadline is nearer. For them, two things probably happen, the work might not have to be done (something might happen and the work nullified) , and they will just finish the work on time. Or take some more time than the deadline. For them, the fact that they did the work is all that matters.. That's like bottom line..I did it. It doesn't matter when I chose to do it.
Now, the ones like us who would do it much ahead of deadline, would feel two things again, we take immense pride in finishing it ahead of deadlines, and we also feel cheated by these procrastinators who laze around and do it as and when they feel like.
Anyway, there is one more difference between them and us, this difference could also explain why do we treat work as urgent. The transaction of giving me the name of the bool brought this quality to the fore. Next day I kinda sensed that my friend would have forgotten to send me the name and so I reminded him to do the same. He sent the name and had to apologise for his forgetfulness.
Now, how do we feel when we have postponed something? First we find we are forgetful, and second we also find we had to apologise for such a petty thing.. A big blow to our pride.
If we look at this exchange carefully,  a simple request to share a book brought out quite a few of our qualities. If I hadn't requested the name to be sent on email, my friend would have sent it there and then on chat. And because of me we did postpone, which resulted in forgetfulness (reveals a bad quality and hence again bad for pride) plus had to apologise (negative for pride again).
Two setbacks received to our self. We can also add another negative point to the one more feel good factor we didn't give to self when we didn't do the work there and then, and Pat ourself on the back for having done it as soon as it was asked for.
Now, I know why I was rushing through everything..
1. If I did things fast I have brownie points to self.
2. If I postponed, I might likely forget and if I did I would hate myself for being so careless. We are the best on Earth, so how can we forget?? Yucks.
3. Apologise?? We Never say sorry. Never.

We pride ourselves on always completing tasks on time.. But that's only one part of life... To be able to set a vision for ourselves about what we want and to be able to focus on that is more important than completing all tasks way ahead of time... If one is primarily good at completing tasks on time, one is like a good retriever dog which picks up objects that you throw and brings them back to you and expects a pat or a bone"

Imagine an office situation, two people delegated tasks to be completed in say a week's time, people like me in a hurry to finish the task, would probably finish it in half the time and what happens when I go submit the task, instead of any reward we get another task. Now I may take that in good stride in the beginning and feel good about it, thinking I are super human beings, and we can do much more than the others. Sure, in the beginning it's all fun, and healthy competition, I might rise up, get few promotions or some raise as well. But what if I don't? Then? Would I not feel cheated and taken advantage of? So who is to blame?

See?? That's how I am trying to be aware of my feelings..that's how I will balance my worth and my false pride/ego. Sure it's good to be on time, but if we are forgetful, we ought to forgive ourself for that. It's like quid pro quo, we forget because we are always living on an edge, trying to be the best. If we just accept that we aren't that good, accept our frailities, we might actually begin to not be so forgetful.

In terms of energy, all things need energy, even to remember to do something needs energy.
Living on the edge is like hanging on.. And after hanging on a cliff, there is not much energy left to do anything else..is there?

So.. Retrace, back off, relax, and Pat yourself on the back for just being able to do that for now.

Have a good day. 

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Addictive Pain

                                                                    Picture courtesy

When one is too long in one state. That state becomes his comfort zone.

Will try to explain how it happens using simple laws of physics and energy

Why is it that joy isn't addictive? Actually being in a state of happiness is largely by choice, we don't want to be unhappy, it is not desired to be unhappy, we can say it is a state of free will.
On the other hand being unhappy is not a decision that one makes, we are unhappy because something happened to us, fate perhaps dealt us a fatal blow.

When we are happy, we tend to be positive, have abundant energy, the feeling of being at the top of the world, it is a high state, all we need to do to be sad is just fall off that state.

We all know falling off requires no extra energy, so our energy is there but unused so far. In the beginning we might try to "Hang On". This "Hang on" slowly depletes us of all the abundant energy we felt earlier on in the state of happiness.

If we are able to pull back from the "Hang on" state we revert back to being where we were, that is back to the happy state.

But if we are unable to pull back, we keep moving down and into the deep abyss of pain. Energy is depleted completely.

The force of gravity helps with the downward spiral. After we have reached that state of perpetual pain, we have no more energy to pull back from that state.

We stay in the sad state and the pain then becomes an addiction.  

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Regret and Guilt

If you would rather regret than feel guilt.. You actually are very guilty for all that you have done in the past.
And if you would rather be guilty and never have to regret.. You have probably have had a lot of regrets in the past!
Instead of choosing one over the other.. Just be aware of what you say and do and not be guilty of the regrets or regretful of any guilt!
Guilt or Regret is just an afterthought or after feeling what we should have felt about what we did, when we did it, if we were aware of it. Guilt or Regret just tells us we have become aware of what we did...It is not a medicine or a prevention of anything. The awareness that comes with it is the medicine and prevention for all future deeds.
We cannot undo what has been done by offering any kind of apologies or substitutes when we feel guilt or regret. It cannot give closure. Closure comes when awareness is understood and helps not to repeat the same pattern again.