Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Now or Later.

My friend and I was talking about books and he told me he was reading a book which I could also like. I told him to send me the name of the book via mail. He asked me if it was OK to send it later as he wasn't connected to his wifi etc. This friend and myself are people who get on to do anything that has to be done immediately.
We have often spoken about how good we are in doing things much ahead of deadlines, and prided on it.
We hate people for whom there is no urgency and who treat any work as will do it soon (the train isn't leaving yet is it?) as and when the deadline is nearer. For them, two things probably happen, the work might not have to be done (something might happen and the work nullified) , and they will just finish the work on time. Or take some more time than the deadline. For them, the fact that they did the work is all that matters.. That's like bottom line..I did it. It doesn't matter when I chose to do it.
Now, the ones like us who would do it much ahead of deadline, would feel two things again, we take immense pride in finishing it ahead of deadlines, and we also feel cheated by these procrastinators who laze around and do it as and when they feel like.
Anyway, there is one more difference between them and us, this difference could also explain why do we treat work as urgent. The transaction of giving me the name of the bool brought this quality to the fore. Next day I kinda sensed that my friend would have forgotten to send me the name and so I reminded him to do the same. He sent the name and had to apologise for his forgetfulness.
Now, how do we feel when we have postponed something? First we find we are forgetful, and second we also find we had to apologise for such a petty thing.. A big blow to our pride.
If we look at this exchange carefully,  a simple request to share a book brought out quite a few of our qualities. If I hadn't requested the name to be sent on email, my friend would have sent it there and then on chat. And because of me we did postpone, which resulted in forgetfulness (reveals a bad quality and hence again bad for pride) plus had to apologise (negative for pride again).
Two setbacks received to our self. We can also add another negative point to the one more feel good factor we didn't give to self when we didn't do the work there and then, and Pat ourself on the back for having done it as soon as it was asked for.
Now, I know why I was rushing through everything..
1. If I did things fast I have brownie points to self.
2. If I postponed, I might likely forget and if I did I would hate myself for being so careless. We are the best on Earth, so how can we forget?? Yucks.
3. Apologise?? We Never say sorry. Never.

We pride ourselves on always completing tasks on time.. But that's only one part of life... To be able to set a vision for ourselves about what we want and to be able to focus on that is more important than completing all tasks way ahead of time... If one is primarily good at completing tasks on time, one is like a good retriever dog which picks up objects that you throw and brings them back to you and expects a pat or a bone"

Imagine an office situation, two people delegated tasks to be completed in say a week's time, people like me in a hurry to finish the task, would probably finish it in half the time and what happens when I go submit the task, instead of any reward we get another task. Now I may take that in good stride in the beginning and feel good about it, thinking I are super human beings, and we can do much more than the others. Sure, in the beginning it's all fun, and healthy competition, I might rise up, get few promotions or some raise as well. But what if I don't? Then? Would I not feel cheated and taken advantage of? So who is to blame?

See?? That's how I am trying to be aware of my feelings..that's how I will balance my worth and my false pride/ego. Sure it's good to be on time, but if we are forgetful, we ought to forgive ourself for that. It's like quid pro quo, we forget because we are always living on an edge, trying to be the best. If we just accept that we aren't that good, accept our frailities, we might actually begin to not be so forgetful.

In terms of energy, all things need energy, even to remember to do something needs energy.
Living on the edge is like hanging on.. And after hanging on a cliff, there is not much energy left to do anything else..is there?

So.. Retrace, back off, relax, and Pat yourself on the back for just being able to do that for now.

Have a good day. 

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