Divorces galore!

Nowadays I see so much strife between a husband and wife.
Reason is simple.. the roles have reversed. earlier it was the husbands who wanted a meek and docile wife, nowadays its the women who want a meek and docile husband. If the husband isn't understanding (read meek enough) he is out.
I don't know how many would agree to what I am observing.. I am a woman and maybe I am one of them, or maybe my husband is too good to be true!

I have been wondering about the bygone days when women were not allowed to go to school or have any formal education. There was a perfect balance and harmony maintained in the society. The girls were taught from the beginning to look after the house, to cook, clean and serve.

Its isn't entirely the fault of women. Now, they are treated as equals as long as they are in their parents house, equal amount of money is spent on both girls and boys for their upbringing and education. But, as soon as a girl enters matrimony, she senses the differences soon, and sure enough she cant stand it!
More over women want to do the neat work, go to the office and bring in the money and earn equal respect in the family.

When I see the matrimony ads, most demand for a nice fair and "educated or graduate" girl. I was wondering how long would this go on? It might happen that the menfolk realises that the less educated the better.. A sad thing for women though, but like money goes into the head of people and clouds reason, education seems to have done the same to women.

All this woman power and woman equality is anyways not my cup of tea. This only validates that a woman is powerless and not equal at all. If a woman proclaims she is an equal why does she demand that a man leave his seat for her in the bus or expect him to do all the heavy work?

So, finally I am seriously contemplating, whether to send my daughter (currently 5 months old) to school or to teach her some essentials, so that she is able to get around in the world herself, and more about homework! She would be someone rare then, and less educated would be in high demand and low supply.. no?

Picture from here

Look a Lamborghini

I saw this on the roads of Calcutta

It took my breath away.
Had seen this only on photos or movies..
It was like a star.
Everyone around started clicking pictures.

As usual, I also took a couple of pictures, but since I was driving, I took time to get a nice shot and in doing so, drifted off to another direction!
What did one lamborghini do to my senses?
I wondered if I could get so awed only by a glimpse of it, what would happen if I touched it? Better still, sat on it and what if what if.. I got to drove it.. Jeez!!

I could see a "hey look A Lamborghini!" writ large on everyone's face.
Do I seem obsessed? Well, maybe yes. I was aghast, surprised, flabbergasted, astounded, blah.. blah..  I could go on!

Phobias and nightmares :(

I have a number of phobias and nightmares:-

1 Cutting with a sharp scissor and one of my finger cutting accidentally.
2. Travelling in a train or plane and fearing every second ..what if there is an accident!?
3. Leaving one of my kids in the train/ plane, or some busy place like a fair (mela) or in the market..
4. Someone kidnapping my son from my gate.. he keeps going out to play !!
5. Sometimes when I am running a fever, my headache gives me the feel of an ant getting squeezed under the huge foot of the elephant.
6. Of course all my teeth falling off is one nightmare, I have already mentioned in my earlier blogs.
7. One of my horror dreams where there is someone standing near my side of the bed and trying to snatch my baby from me. (This is especially when I am expecting)
8. Somebody, maybe a thief trying to open the door and getting into the house through the terrace and balcony.
9. Sometimes I am falling and I keep falling, like there is no ground beneath me and I keep falling till I wake up with a start!
10. Bathing in the bathroom and suddenly there is current in the water and I am electrocuted.

In all the above cases, I am always getting up to check everything is okay and thanking God, it wasn't happening in reality.

Picture from here

Child :)

I just saw in a news on TV that a child was found abandoned in a bag. A couple found it and reported to the police station. The child was being given to an NGO for support but the couple who found the child is ready to keep it.
I was wondering what made the child's parents leave it just like that!
If it was a girl child, then we all know the reasons for disowning it.
But what reasons there could be for a male child?
I thought perhaps, that perhaps it was a bastard..

Now our society is such that it doesn't accept a bastard, so the mother probably has to discard the child for fear of dishonor. But the same society wont mind if a child is picked up from anywhere and then adopted.
Why this difference? The child in an orphanage could be an orphan or a bastard, but society would be OK with it, if the child is raised by foster adopted parents.

A child is so lovable and it must really hurt to be separated from it, but some people are so courageous, or are they more a coward, who give up their child for fear of society. Is society so ruthless, to separate mother from child? Why punish the child for no fault of it?

A famous poet said for Kashmir, "if there is heaven on earth, it is here."
I beg to differ, "if there is heaven on earth, its on the smile of your child's face." Blissful indeed and I am blessed and blissed.

my angel

why enough is never enough?

When do we decide how much is enough?
How do we measure "enough"?
Is enough ever enough?
Is sky the limit?
Why are we like Pepsi? Yeh dill maange more..!! (Give me more!)

Just when one thing is over, one want is over, another crops up.
There is exhilaration, celebration of something done or achieved, but again the limit doesnt limit itself and sets for itself a higher limit.

For a poor man a fan is enough
For a middle class man a cooler is enough
For a rich man an AC is enough
In all above examples, heat is constant and same for everyone, but a fan or a cooler is not enough for a rich man? Poor man's leisure is rich man's pain!

What is it that is heating the rich man? Is it the heat of money?
It is said in an hindi proverb when a person is arrogant of his money, " paison ki garmi hai." ( heat of money in him) so this heat has to be cooled with the respective coolant. the more the money the more coolant it requires. While it is harder on the way up, there are nice things added to the life style, more comfort more luxury, easy to adopt.. and on the way down, these nice things makes life worse, all these luxuries hard to give up. Can a rich man accustomed to an AC sleep under a fan? One who relies on others for his work to be done, can he work for others?

Talking about "enough", I am always reminded of my nephew. Once my sister was annoyed with her husband and she asked my nephew (her 6 years old son), "lets go to the market and get you another father." Pat came his reply, " no mummy, one is enough." Goes to show that a child knows when enough is enough! :D

Picture from here

Art of writing..

Whats going to happen to writing?
My fingers ache when I write but is perfectly at ease when I type.

I have been hearing about tablet PC's and read that the schools may soon replace notebooks with Tablet PC's.
I have written with a pen or pencil all throughout my life. But since the last 3 or 4 years, I have been literally writing everything on my laptop. Now, if I can feel uncomfortable in something I was very comfortable with, I wonder what might happen to kids who will start off with typing!!
Wouldn't it make them more dependent on power, money (expensive gadgets)?

Sure it will save trees on one hand, but wont it increase the power consumption?

Few days back I was writing a list of grocery items to be bought for the month, since mil is not there, the onus of maintaining the larder is my job. I was having real difficulty in writing so much. In my heart I wished there was a handy printer to jot down small notes and take a print out for the same!
I was amazed at my thinking process..

picture from here

I have learnt some Calligraphy and I used to write in beautiful calligraphy, but now my handwriting looks like a doctor's scrawl.


Apart from the damage in the art of writing, spell checks have made me quite dependent on MS Word to check my spellings, and without it I feel kinda lost!
The stones were replaced by slates, which were replaced by paper and now the computer uses a whole new concept.. just punch in the buttons and voila! your spellings are perfect, your handwriting is superb (but not unique), not messy anymore, no erasers.. nothing.. so far so good!
No wonder, I am writing (read typing too) so well, and I may not be surprised, if suddenly there springs up hoards of writers from all over.

I miss...my village

I miss the village where I spent most of my vacations.
I miss the bageecha (orchard), where we played the whole day.
I miss the haystack, where I hid when we played hide and seek
I miss the bullock cart ride, which took us to the fields.
I miss the soft soil rolling beneath my feet while ploughing the fields.
I miss the (delicious) mango trees, sugarcane fields.
I miss the swinging on swings on the branches of the trees.
I miss the railway tracks, walking on them and reaching the village market at the village station.
I miss placing the 5 paise coin on the rail tracks, so that it gets flattened by the train when it passes by.
I miss the dhobi ghaat where we went for picnic
I miss the drama and dance show we put up for entertainment ( no TV then ).
I loved the way my cousin engineered the curtain raising ropes.
I miss the snake dance my sister did while another cousin used the torch to give the lights effect!
I miss playing the business game for days on end, and cheating by bribing the banker.
I miss playing hide and seek, lock and key and of course antakchari.
I miss the scary feel walking alone in the bageecha and hearing each sound the dry leaves made when I stepped on them.
I miss filling the bucket from the handpump and then rushing to the toilet which was out of the main house.
I miss bathing behind a screen and always having someone to stand guard, fearing somebody might peep.
I miss the charpoy, ( though sometimes it pricked my bare skin)
I miss the burning of the dried cow dung to keep flies and mosquitoes away.
I miss counting the stars and wishing to be lucky enough to see a falling star.
I miss having to travel miles in an overcrowded rusty jeep, to a relatively bigger village for a movie treat, which anyways showed older movies.
I miss the goats, chickens and the cows around me.
I miss the look the village children gave us when we arrived there and sometimes chased us when we went somewhere..
I miss.... will be updated as and when I remember what I miss

Picture to be uploaded later

Redesign

Redye Redesign Redress

I am onto recycling old party dresses.
There is a gamut of weddings and parties next month, and I would be shunned if I wore old ones (worn 5/6 times considered old)
I can buy new ones, but I already have many many countless, and I am giving below reasons for not having a new one
1. I don't really have spare hangars for more, nor does my wardrobe have space for more.
2. My older clothes aren't happy because I don't wear them much (problem of plenty)
3. Investing in clothes is a bad investment. rather a dead one..unless the embroidery was made in silver and buttons in gold!!
4. I am an environmentalist now.
5. If people judge me by the clothes I wear, they are most welcome to stay away!

I'd rather spend the money I save, on travelling around the world ( this was my foreign fantasy ). I can buy gold ornaments which would have a good resale value later on.

Recycling has more than one advantage, along with the money saved, it saves on resources. When I wear recycled ones, I am immensely pleased with my accomplishment.

Along with dresses, other things recycled are old forms and notices, cut and stapled together to make notepads, envelopes used again by sticking a new label on the old address.

Most importantly, it is always easier to go out and buy, and what is easy is dull too and I hate to be DULL!

Picture from here

Matter

As a matter of fact, the fact of the matter doesn't matter anymore...

Shopaholic

I used to be a very compulsive shopper. I did not take much time in selection and when I liked something, I wanted to own it. Sometimes mummy managed to stop me from over buying, and the times when I heeded her warnings, I always thanked God, I didn't buy in the end.
She used to say, don't buy it now, look for some more, give it some thought. The shopkeeper (to lure me in his net) said, "this is the last piece and that he wasn't sure if I would get anything like this later." I felt torn, whom to listen and whom not to. Mummy on the other hand was very confident about not buying, she used to say," of course we wont get something like this later, but we might get something better than this later."

Picture from here

Looking back I realize how right she was! The things I hurriedly bought always turned out to be in bad taste, and then I was stuck with it. Tis true, bad habits die hard, but I never give up.

My shopping behavior was markedly frenzy. I had difficulty in not buying. There were 2 reasons I justified myself for buying it.
1. I usually fell in love with the article at first sight.
2. I felt an obligation to the shopkeeper to buy, because he had worked so hard by showing me so many, and I couldn't let him down.

Now, when I go shopping, I don't buy because I am in love with it (or with the idea of buying it). I look at it and say to myself, "thats a good looking thing on the shelf, but if I buy it, something better will occupy that space, and again I would want to buy it, and again." I shall keep waiting till the best thing came along. More importantly, I would only buy it when I really require it.

People buy/consume as if there is no tomorrow. Little do they realize, that if they use up all their resources today, there would indeed be no tomorrow left...

Opposites- strike the right balance.

When I was very small, I was always troubled to see so much poverty around me. I used to think why is it that some people are so poor and some so rich? I couldn't seem to find any answers.

One day I asked my uncle and he explained that if there were no poor people then nobody would ever work. There would be no plumber, no gardener, the whole world could come to a standstill!

This sounded quite logical to me and I was quite satisfied.

Now I feel that .. some people need to be poor for some people to be rich and vice versa.

they might be opposites but they have to co exist.

A friend always insisted that opposites never attract and we have had a never ending debate on this for sometime now. We recently reached a conclusion that opposites may not attract but complement each other.

For example, we have the land and water, male and female, day and night, big and small. The existence of one heavily depends on the existence of the other. That is why there is always two genders, two sides of a coin, two of everything.

Everything has to co exist , the good and the evil, the beautiful and the ugly, the gods and ghosts, rich and the poor, etc.

Once I was visiting a relative, she keeps her windows always shut for fear of lizards entering the house. My father opened the windows to let the fresh air come in and said, " let the lizards come, they will eat up the smaller insects and the smaller will eat up the smallest." he said that all things on the earth were made to coexist.

I am reminded of a recent movie called “My name is Khan.” The protagonist Khan is an autistic person who condemns cellphones, and also tells everyone to stop using them because the waves emitted by the cellphones are distracting the honeybees who lose their way to their hives, which results in the lower egg production of the queen bees and if the bees disappeared then the human race would come to an end approximately 4 years later, as calculated by Albert Einstein.

To strike the right balance, the other has to be there, the bad has to be present for the good to be good .. in fact the good is also very heavily indebted to the bad. The most important thing in life are the bad things which happen to us, for if they didn't happen, would we know or appreciate the finer things in life? Would we pray to God, if all was well?

picture from here

Why hold the "old"?

Why do we expect our elders to wait on us, look after our house when we are out, when its they who have the first right to enjoy life, go out whenever they feel like. I say, they should be given privilege over anything and everything, because now, they are at the end of their road, let them be free, let them fly away, don't scorn them when they have fun, when they want to sing, let them sing and don't frown and say things like " budhi ghori laal lagaam" literally means an old horse with red harness, simply meaning an aged woman who tries to behave like young girls by being flashy or with regards to behavior. Why has society built a wall around their emotions? Don't they feel caged when they want to do something on an impulse? For God's sake they are old and the more wiser, they wouldn't do anything foolish, and even if they did, they have earned to be foolish more than the foolish youngsters!

Most Indians cringe at the sight of their parents go on for a holiday, spend some time together, that they could also be in love with each other, and had maybe shelved all their honeymooning plans because kids were small, have to study,etc, can want to have sex, in short can want to be happy which is independent of children's happiness.
The good thing about the west is that, they don't squirm when they see their parents as a couple. In some cases, when there is only one parent, the adult kid doesn't object and in fact rejoices if the single parent is able to find him/herself a partner for the rest of their lives. They might be having ulterior motives of their own, and think that it was a good thing, because now they wouldn't have to babysit their single parent anymore. Thats a bad thing about the west, the kids don't want to have parents around much longer than required.

How nice it would be, if we could ape the west in being liberal with our parents and let them LIVE. Of course I don't mean blindly ape them and keep them away from us when they need us the most. Cant we do that? Is it so hard to see through them and their anguish? Is it right for them to keep waiting for the right time? Don't we realize that they are too OLD to hOLD on?

Picture from here

I found my mother (in law)

My mother in law (mil) has played a big role in making me the person I am now. If I am capable and know certain things well, its because she pushed me to do it. She is a headstrong and capable woman. Sometimes I really admire her for her guts. She is nothing like my mother, who is a soft hearted and sweet little thing. It is because of mil, that I have so many good habits and discipline. She taught me things my mom couldn't.
I owe my mil for teaching me cooking, managing household, cleaning .. the works. When I married, I didn't know how to run a house, not to mention I was zero in cooking. She taught me all that and more..
I was apparently a good student for I learnt well and she says so herself..

Its not that our relation was without strife. In the beginning there was so much conflict, I resented her presence in my life, I used to think she poisoned my husband against me.
My mummy used to tell me that its a good sign that my husband is so obedient to his mother, for a person who is an obedient son, is also a faithful husband and a doting father. Now, I know that she was so right. I have become a seasoned daughter in law, and being wiser now, I can understand, what she means and wants from me.

Right now she is out of station and I miss her presence in the house and await her arrival anxiously. Her absence has accentuated the importance of her presence! The house seems empty without her, (and her authoritative loud voice). After so many years, I am more close to her than my husband. Strangely enough, I think that she has always been the focal point of my married life and without her I would have surely messed my marriage. The bigger conflicts with her always helped to push my other small fights, with my husband to the back burner.

Still, I think I have a long way to go and become a woman of her caliber. She has lived a tough life, tougher than mine, and she deserves a better life now. Its a tough job that she does, managing to keep everybody together, making sure everyone eats what they want to eat, making sure every corner of the house is clean and tidy, and of course the real hard task of keeping the servants under check.

Once she said to me, that she thought me fit to bequeath the family legacy to me...(we are three daughters in law so I  was secretly thrilled). I might still have some differences with her, but I would rather ignore it and focus on the good ones! Thats making life good.

Just like I feel pity for those cousins who have never lived in joint families, I pity people especially daughter in laws who dont get a chance to live with her parents in law!
Living with in laws is like a treasure hunt game.. Over the years, I gained the treasure of knowledge, that no amount of books could give me.

Picture from here

Aspire

I was at the airport seeing off my mother and father in law. While my husband went inside to get them checked in, I sat in the car with my driver accompanying me. I was sitting with my 5 month old daughter when my driver offered to take her and then asked me to go to one of the ticketing counters and ask for the Mumbai Lucknow flight fare.
He asked me if buying an air ticket required any document or proof.
I said no, they ask nothing as long as you pay by cash.

My driver has a monthly pay of Rs 4500 per month and he has a family of 5 children along with his mother and brothers. On top of it, he is always short of money,keeps asking his salary in advance. Last month he shifted his mobile billing to postpaid from prepaid. He said he wants to travel to his in laws for show off and to put them in awe of him!

I was trying to understand what went on in his head. He had such high hopes, and I am not sure he had the means to fulfill it. Is it right to aspire beyond one's means?
What right do I have, to think that he should not dream big?

The other day I read about Mukesh Ambani's house "Antilia." and that the power bill of his house, last month was about Rs 70 lakhs! He has three helipads!  He lives with his  wife and 3 kids. What a life! Does he aspire for more?
I kept thinking of my driver and Ambani...vast difference!

picture from here

Tryst with writing.

I thought I loved numbers, I still do, I love(d) accounts passionately. I love the stock markets. But, behind all those numbers, I found there are a lot of emotions running around and I started digging deeper...

Last year I lost some money in the stock markets. I was sad and became a philosopher first and then since I had time I joined a MLM business. This work kept me occupied for quite some months and then there was a competition announced. An article of a 1000 words or less was to be submitted titled "Why Klink?" I thought let me give it a try and along with time pass, I might get a consolation prize as well.
I wrote the article, finished it, a friend reviewed it and said it was ok. After some months, when I had almost lost all hopes of getting any prize, I received an envelope with a letter announcing first prize in the competition. I was richer by 5000 bucks. I was thrilled, ecstatic, actually no words can describe what I felt.. blissfully elated!!

Anyways, this is how I discovered my flair for writing. I was called a storyteller by many, meaning when in a group, I usually did the most talking, and I could talk to a small child or an old person with equal ease. An uncle of mine casually suggested that I write.. Now being a story teller and writer is vastly different, because writing needs assimilation of facts in proper order and has to have more details, in order to facilitate clear imagination. Talking is relatively easier, though an art in itself, but it can take help of signs and show emotions in voice easily. Writing has helped me become more sharp, focussed and detail oriented.
It is quite exhilarating, my abundant energy is consumed and I cant seem to stop writing.. All I want to do now is write write and write!

Oops! Am I writing or typing? :) :P
I am wondering now..
Imagine all writers would now be called typists or typers .. kidding.

picture from here

Learning License Driving

I was always challenged by people who said, " this is a boy thing and a girl should not or may not do it."
To my mind, this was wrong! I admit men in general are much superior and stronger and more capable, but why restrict a girl , only because she is a girl! Atrocious
Being independent for myself was always important to me.

In those days and especially within my conservative community, a girl driving was a beeg thing, and a bad red mark on her future marriage prospects! But, this never deterred me, I already thought I was ugly enough never to be wanted as a bride in any good house ( read here to know what I thought).

I was a born rebel and anything with a lock intrigued me, my hands itched to see what was inside. Learning to drive when I was 16 was a NO NO and that made me pursue it. Most girls were allowed to learn driving after marriage with the consent of her in laws and husband.

I used to stealthily take the car key of the Maruti 800 that we had at that time in late afternoon when everybody was sleeping and inside their houses, go down and get into the car parked on the sidewalk, switch on the ignition and reverse the gear, drive back and forth on a space of about 10 meters, practicing on the sidewalk and not venturing on the road in the beginning. In this way, I could drive backward and forward with the same ease.

For steering wheel practice, I used to handle the steering when my old driver saheb drove me to school, while he handled the gear and brakes and he took control of the steering when when I faltered or when there was traffic.
If I had gone to a driving school like most girls, I would have learned in lesser time and got a real driving license too, but maybe not as well as I drive now. Yes, I do have a driving license but it states a false date of birth, I was still underage when I started driving on the roads.

My mummy told me much later that papa used to get angry when he found this out and always threatened to hide the key, but he never did, nor did he ever show his anger to me. It was fun to learn like this and I drive very well even now. This opened the door for my sister who learned without much restrictions. My papa is only too glad that we learned it for free and when we sisters got married he made mummy learn driving and then fired the new driver for good.

Now, most girls in our community have a driving license before their marriage and it is as much prerequisite as a school degree!

Picture from here

Why not joint families?

Today I went out and met a cousin after a long time. Her mother in law recently expired and she was saying that the environment of the house isnt the same anymore. Another cousin asked, "why? the brothers should get more close now that their mother isnt there anymore," but she said that wasnt the case and that they were more aloof and self oriented now.

I thought and voiced aloud that this might be happening because men spend more time with their wives and kids nowadays, maybe more than they should.. giving ample time for the wives to fill their ears with poison and cause aloofness in the house amongst blood relations...This has caused so many joint families to split and become nuclear now..There are other reasons too.. tolerance and patience are no longer there.. EGO is a BEEG and very hungry too!!

I was born in a joint family, being the first born of a first born, gave me a lot of time to spend with my uncles and aunt, and they all loved me, I like to think that they still do..It was so nice being together, everything shared, the house full of people, not a moment to get lonely or bored.. what a life! I thought I had the best joint family in the world.

"a picture of a beeg joint family at a wedding" Do we stand together only for the camera now?

One fine day it was all over, just like the stock market crash.. I still remember, I was in class 9 and I was appalled and grief stricken. This affected me a great deal, my ranks dropped, I became lazy and sloppy.
What happened really and WHY? I kept thinking how stupid it was to live separately! How uneconomical too! What purpose did it serve really? I live in a joint family, and I had vowed in the beginning of my marriage that I would never be a cause for it to disseminate..Of course there are conflicts and discomforts and less freedom, but if we make a list of advantages and disadvantages.. clearly joint families have always outnumbered disadvantages..well, this is my belief.. Whats yours?

Taught by a tooth!

My papa always emphasized on the importance of health and especially for each tooth (since I was a huge chocolate addict) that we have.
Being quite materialistic in life, I was in love with solitaires, not the game but the diamond with the 4 C's (cut, clarity, colour and carat). He told me time and again, that I had 32 diamonds in my mouth and I should be very happy I had them.
I used to think, everybody has it, so whats the big deal and that papa is just being a miser, because he wont buy me one, though he did eventually buy me one and which I lost subsequently in a train theft, but that is another story..

A couple of years ago, I was having "puchka" a delicacy of kolkata, and suddenly there was a hard thing in my mouth and I thought something had gotten into the puchka's filling, I hurriedly took it out and was aghast to see it was my tooth..one of my molars!

picture courtesy from  here

I went to the dentist, got a false tooth installed by making a bridge over the 2 teeth on the sides, which made me sad to see 2 good teeth being reduced for the sake of the missing tooth. It was then, that I realised the worth of those teeth and that even the biggest of any diamond could not ever replace the natural tooth that I had... I must mention my worst nightmares consists of loosing all my teeth and I wake up sweating and feel them with my tongue and fingers to see if they are still there..!!

What would you rather have? gold, silver or diamonds? or just a tooth?
I wish I had my tooth back....miss it terribly..

normal to C-sections to surrogate

picture from here

I had a baby girl around 5 months back.
I was having this child after a gap of 10 years, my older kids, a girl and a boy are 12 and 10 respectively. My obstetrician was quite apprehensive and told me that a normal delivery was out of question, because I was 30 plus and this baby was coming after a gap of 10 years!All my reports were normal and nothing indicated a high risk pregnancy. So, I fled and went to my parents place, where indeed I delivered normally.
Incidentally, even in that place C-section deliveries was the norm in 9 out of 10 cases.

While in labor, I was surprised to see the room empty, since it was a very big hospital, I had thought there would be other mothers giving me company. I asked the nurse on duty and she said, most women prefer C-sections, so they need not come in the labor ward.
Next morning, I met some mothers near the nursery, and I asked if there was any amongst them who delivered normal. and not a single one replied in the affirmative.. and when I said I had a normal one, they looked at me like I was some alien from some other planet! I too was a bit taken aback to see their reactions!

When I returned home, I told papa about it and he said," its a wonder girls are still carrying their babies in their wombs." This hit me with the idea, that surrogate mothers could become a very lucrative business in days to come.
Not that I wished it to be this way.. but then who am I!
An article which stole my views ..(kidding) surrogacy in India

New cars versus Old cars

look! not divided.. so romantic na?

  When I was small, we had two common models on the road then, and none had divided (bucket) seats in front. Those were the days of the Ambassadors and the Fiats. Although there were some others, and even they didnt have divided front seats. By now you must have understood what difference I am emphasizing on!
It was so romantic without the gear in between, the hero and heroine could snuggle close... ( do you need bucket seats?) I imagined "one day I will" too with my hero.. blush blush. Sadly, Maruti came in the late 80's and with it was introduced the gear between the seats and to this day it is still there ... in between like "kabab mein haddi"

Before I forget, those days most car owners always had drivers or chauffeurs to drive the oh! so romantic without gear in between cars. Ironically, it is self driven more now and least romantic seating arrangement!


There used to be one car per family (not a nuclear family but a joint family). The head of the house, in my case, my grandfather had the first rights to using it and the family (parents, uncles, aunties, cousins) used it with permission. But, the strangest thing is that I never remember there was any conflict or dearth for using it

I don't think we had any kind of music system either.. and we never missed having one.. antakchari was there, cause we never drove alone. I especially remember singing all my nursery rhymes when I was really small.. on the way to anywhere..

Yes, the AC is an added comfort now, but isn't it a warmer planet than it was?

Picture from here

listen

Be glad when nobody listens to you, this way you dont have to listen to anyone either!

fRee

FREE for a FEE

Why do we contradict?

I got a promotional call from Vodafone. They said I had an offer of sending free joke sms for a fee of Rs 10.
This cracked me up.. free with a fee!

Haven't we lived a life saying something and doing something, so now its the new way of marketing too.
Do they really think people to be so naive to actually fall for this, or maybe they do, cause its happening all around. Even the banks sell policies by saying that its for free and then they charge a fee!!

I contradicted myself when I wrote a blog on Why is silence golden? in this blog. I shouldn't have written it, and as per the person who commented, shouldn't have commented on it, had he understood it! confused? Read again. If confused again, keep reading, because even though I said silence is golden, I wont shut up.

More on this later...

college grads convocation...

Thats a dream too..
I went to college for the first few months  (just in case, the marriage got postponed or cancelled, I had better keep continue my studies ;) )... wasnt very memorable though, and why would it be? I was already engaged, my mind and heart wasnt on studies anymore... I had envisaged a fairy tale marriage and the shopping excited me, quite silly of me ...no?

What I didnt realise, was that I would forever miss the golden chance that I had.
Had I been adamant and insisted on completing my studies, nobody could or would have forced me into it.
Now, I miss it so much. I miss school a lot and if I had gone to college it would have just added to all the wonderful memories I already have..

Since I was used to a girls only school, I felt a bit awkward in a co-ed college. I was shy even to go to the canteen. I couldn't understand the teaching methods in the college, no textbooks prescribed..it was difficult to get studying material on my own..it was tough and I got disinterested, not to say the teachers weren't helpful at all.
I remember the first day, I had trouble choosing what to wear? :-? I thought I shouldn't look out of the crowd, lest the raggers picked me up, so NO to flashy (Veronica) type dresses and NO to behanji (Betty) type dresses. I chose a pretty yet plain dress.

Once I was walking back home and a boy came up to me and said that he was my classmate ( I didnt recognize him) and did I mind if he walked alongside me. I was ok with it and we talked as we walked, his house came and he went and I walked on..The next day, I told my friend about it and she asked me who was the boy and I was aghast to find out that I didn't even remember who it was.. So, thats the amount of interest I had at that time..
Bad rotten luck!! One guy tried befriending me and I was so careless I forgot him! Can you beat that?

But, Oh I love the convocation ceremony, and only for that I regret I didn't complete my studies..
It must feel so heavenly wearing that black coat and hat and then throwing the hat up in the air in joy and celebration. I feel exhilarated just by talking about it!! phew!

picture from here

Why do we start living in the face of death!

Recently I saw "Anjaana Anjaani."
It was an ok flick.. just a time pass..
The plot revolved around 2 people who wanted to die because of their personal failures in life.
Both couldnt succeed and they took that as a sign that they needed some more time.. Maybe the time wasnt right to die. So they both decided on a date to die.. That date was a good 20 days away and then they began to LIVE...
Amazing no?

Seen Anand?  How could Rajesh Khanna (Anand) who knew he was dying, LIVE.
By LIVE I mean to live life to the fullest, do what you want. enjoy life thoroughly!
Dont care what the world thinks.. Dont put off things because you have extra days..
Dont we all love putting off most things.. especially those which we always wanted to do?
I have read so many inspirational blogs and write ups urging us to do whatever we want straightaway..
But, who cares a damn, we all like to think we are going to live for like forever!!

Kabir's famous dohas (couplets) say
"Kaal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab.
Pal mein pralaya hogi, bahuri karoge kab?"
meaning the human tendency of being lazy and procrastination and of putting off things for later..
Its like we are so sure of the future but not at all sure of our present.. we say we will do it, thereby establishing of a future which we cannot be sure of at all!!

So, we need the help of our friend that is death.. (maybe its a fiend to many)
But, what if we all knew when we were going to die? the exact date? would it really be too bad?
naah I think it would be better and more so for the procrastinators!! no?

sulking

I have been sulking for the past few days.
Why dont I catch some dreaded disease and die!
This time I dont want to get treated even if I am taken abroad
I dont want treatment
leave me alone...........

A friend from school called, and it was the only cheerful 10 mins (in the whole day) spent talking to her.
We talked about olden days, it was like going back in time.. so much memories
Since her house was nearby, we always met after school, she would come to my place or I would go to hers.
Not a single day passed without us meeting and ganging.
Yes, thats exactly what we did.. just aimlessly loitering around the neighborhood.
She asked me if I was the same? I said same meaning .. what was I like?
She said I was bindaas and pataka!!
I said, I wasnt sure if I was the same anymore, I got some white strands on my hair now and I guess jumping around is also not done anymore...
We resolved to meet soon and catch up on old times and maybe share the present (not a gift at all).

I know I am not being good at all, but I cant pretend, and I have no one to talk to..I dont even wish to talk..to anyone..I am a really horrible girl and I hate myself, my life, everything
Thanks for listening blogger..

i wish i were dead..

and you thought I was very positive?
just because I always smile?
just because I seldom complain?
Just because I show spirit?
I have my ups and downs, but I pretend that I am happy.

I am reminded of the nursery rhyme
"There was a little girl, who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very very good!
But, when she was bad, she was HORRID!
And thats exactly what I am
Right now I am horrid and I cant think of a day I was ever good!

When I was small, I picked up fights very often, stopped talking to my uncles for days, even months..I hated my life, I thought no one loved me and felt so unwanted. Maybe I was just a spoilt and pampered brat!

I'd wish I was never born. I had no control over my birth, have no control over my life and no control on death!
I am a masochist and love to inflict pain on myself..
I have have gone hungry for days and have had sleeping pills, refused any companionship and shut myself up for days!

Does it help? Dont know for sure.. but its my only way out
Keep sulking..

know

but they dont know...they wont know...But I know in my heart..

the bindi and the mangalsutra!

mangalsutra

I am a muslim and we dont wear the bindi and the mangalsutra when we marry.
But, damn it, I simply adore it!
I always loved the typical indian attire, complete with the bindi and bangles! so pretty...
Muslims wear bangles, but not bindi. It is said that the place where I stick the bindi on my forehead will be scorched with fire in hell, so its a taboo. But that didnt stop me from wearing it to school, or to a non muslim party.
I think it suited me, the forehead looked so empty without one.
When I was in high school and went for Saturday extra classes (and movies thereafter) the bindi was a must.
I almost wore it on my engagement till a religiously fanatic relative struck it off my forehead. I was boiling inside but I exercised control, after all I was the bride..
The bindi wish was fulfilled...but I never got to wear a mangalsutra..
Its a nice necklace with a string of black beads and a gold locket at the center...
I thought to buy one at the time of my marriage, but didnt, er...well couldnt, had already bought loads of gold!
I thought I would buy it later, but yet I never came around to buying one..
As I write this, in the middle of the night, I almost have the urge to buy one straightaway, but the shops would be closed.. tomorrow then.. eeeks tomorrow is a Sunday! (not to mention gold is at Rs 20000 per 10 gms)
Oh! I almost forgot the payal.. the one with ghungroos (bells). This is forbidden too, but I have more than one, though I dont wear them, but am thinking of wearing it tomorrow..
Enough is enough, and in any case Adam and Eve couldnt resist the forbidden fruit and I am just a mortal woman

need

Earn more = Spend more?
Need is not needed anymore!

Out of mind!

Out of sight is not out of mind, because seeing me will BLOW you out of your mind!

UP and DOWN!

Just because a woman looks UP and a man looks DOWN while talking to each other does not make women any superior to men (and vice versa)

Why arent there real men anymore?

What is a Man? Just a gender who has a different set of organs as compared to women.
A Man in the real sense of the word was one who was the master of the world.
He commanded respect and had the controls of his life and of his family.
Men who hunted with the wild animals and secured the life of his family.
A Man who had undaunted courage.
A Man who respected the women as one of his mother, sister, daughter or wife and not looked down upon the fairer sex.
To give respect or to be humble are the traits of great men.
Alas! Nowadays if one is humble it is regarded as being a coward and not having enough guts.

I thought a lot about this.. where have this species vanished??
My sister says .. all men are female trapped in a male's body and thus,women folk of today face crisis!

An article I found really interesting on SAVE MEN!
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/book_extracts/article4448371.ece

I dont know how much of this is true, for I believe that there arent any more real women left than any real men . Real women were soft, gentle docile creatures but a strong willed and pious woman who shouldered all her household responsibilities without as much as a whimper!
Now women have become bolder, independent and more manly,so is it not proper for nature to balance the act by a softer more docile man? Who are we (women) to ask where the men are? Ask yourself, "am I a real woman?"
After all I believe its a free world and a free market.. and all this real men and women are market driven really.. no?

Bribing...??

Childhood is all about innocence and I was one innocent child, really!

It was taught in school and by elders that bribing is a bad thing and that we should never indulge in it.
I was a straight girl, if teachers say its bad, its bad. I was very obedient (mark that I use past tense).

My father took us out for an outing or dinner most Sundays, when I was like in my preteens.

I particularly remember one such Sunday when we were out and papa was driving.

There was a new bridge being constructed over the Hooghly (The Vidyasagar Setu) and since it was already years under construction and it looked almost complete, we decided to try it for a drive.
After reaching almost the middle of the bridge we saw a police patrol. They made us stop the car and admonished us for driving over an unbuilt unopened bridge. To which my father said that there was no sign to tell us that we were forbidden entry. The policeman said that we would be fined for the offence.

It was probably a big amount. Papa wanted to give a small bribe amount so that he wouldn't have to pay the fine, but I was adamant. How could he bribe? That is not done! It was against my morals. I told papa, no bribe and that officer couldn't fine us because there ought to be a sign telling us that entry was forbidden. Why did they have to be patrolling the middle of the bridge, when they should have been near the start of the bridge.
I said let him call a bigger officer and we can argue our way, because apparently to me, we were not wrong.

We waited for him to call the senior official for an hour or so, but there was no sign of any official coming our way. It was getting darker and I noticed that the patrolling policeman was in no hurry to fine us, but he was looking quite willing to settle for an amount for himself! My father asked me if he could (I respect my father for having so much faith and patience to care for my moral values). I let go, sensing that, that was the only solution then, and papa handed the policeman a note and we turned the car back!

picture from here

That was the first time I realized that rules are just meant to be broken and that its a bad bad world out there!
A small part of me died....

No Dilwale for me :(

Ahem ahem! This would sound very filmy.. But its true.

I have already mentioned I was engaged just after high school, and that was the year I went to my last school trip with friends. The movie, DDLJ was released on 20th October 1995 and I went on the trip in December 1995.
In the movie, the heroine is already engaged to someone she has never met by her conservative father, and on a trip with her friends when she meets her love..This was similar to my situation where I was also engaged, never seen my fiancé, and on a trip. My friends and teachers kept comparing me to the character of the girl in the movie. Inadvertently, I started wishing..maybe I would too...meaning.... find my love :P
Unlike the heroine who was in London and her trip was the swiss alps (oh lalala), I had to make do with south India! Thinking that anyone could be the ONE for me, I was very vigilant and one could call it, quite open to flirtatious endeavors.

It almost happened in Bangalore, I was at Big Kids Kemp, and the salesman was a really cute guy, and he gave me a lot of attention (and I let him). I was trying to pick up a tie and there was so many and I couldnt decide which one to take, and suddenly I did not want to buy any. But since it would sound rude of me to say I didnt like any, after he had shown me hundreds of ties, I coyly told him that I liked the one he was wearing and that nothing he showed me was as good as his tie! He said, it was bought from some other shop and there was not much chance of it being in the store, but he would still try and check with all his might. I was quite relieved and I thought that he would never find it and I would have saved my money..Lo and behold! he got it in 5 minutes and there was more than one! naturally I had to pay for my overtures. It was a cheap tie and that salesman must have got it for 5 times lesser than what I paid for it. It still has never been worn and serves only as a memoir of that incident!

The Tie still packed!

The rest of the trip was fun, but event less!

I went back and married the one my father chose for me.. period!

Found time

TIME is the most valuable FIND

problem of plenty

See, I dont want to talk big, and I sincerely apologize if what I am going to write sounds like beeg mouth (or as my daddy calls me "A Snob")
I was awesome, since I was small. I kept discovering that I was quite good in anything I did, it was only a matter of interest. If something intrigued me enough, I set my mind and heart on it.
I will try to put them in chronological order..

While still a child I was good in swimming, so I was a swimming champ (of course! only in my mind)
In fact I liked playing a lot, any kind of sport (considering that I considered my self to be a boy, I preferred outdoor sports) and I was game for it. As I grew up, I found cycling very exhilarating, so cycle champ! (again in my mind)

I used to scribble whenever I had a pencil in my hand, my fingers went hm mmm mm... Suddenly the scribbles turned into intrinsic designs and I started creating lovely designs, it could be used to design textile, jewellery, mehndi. bindi... Some scribblings I found along with my books..

                                                                  free hand scribblings!

My art teacher was awed and called me a jewel which was not cut yet (like an uncut diamond). She implored me to take up Arts in higher classes. (though I promised her, I never did)

Then I was coaxed by my sister to learn some embroidery, I found I was excellent in needle work and it earned me laurels from my mother in law, who was delighted by my needle art. I was not too bad in tailoring and could stitch anything to perfection. (blush)

What I am trying to say here is that I had a problem of plenty, meaning since I was so good in so many diverse things, I got confused at times, and didnt know what to really take up seriously enough!
Maybe I was just a jack (in the box) of all and master of none!
When there is plenty to choose, we choose plenty! no?

blo(g)ock

latest on the blo(g)ock

money tummy

The root of all evil
Its not Money
Its the Tummy

Be(ad)have

Badder we think we are, better we behave.

Hooked on books

                                                                Picture from here
The merit goes to my kindergarten friend for introducing me to books.
Well, she does not remember me though I found her on facebook, and I don't blame her (nothing special about me)

My first book was the ginger bread boy, yes it was a fairy tale but I was in KG remember!
I was unstoppable. As soon as a book finished I wanted another, used to sneak and hide and read just like the kid in the bajaj ad. Nowadays I rarely find any child reading like that, they are more into movies, cartoons, gameboy, psp, wii..I was wondering, if the ad was released now, it would sound so obnoxious, after all, very few can relate to reading ( even story books) with that kind of fervor ( my kids don't).

Once, my exams were just over (I was 12), I wanted a book desperately but my mom wouldnt take me to the market to buy me one. Being the angry girl that I was, I set out on foot even though I had a very vague idea of the directions to the market. (quite a distance from my house) and I being mostly chauffeur driven, had never embarked on a foot journey. I went on walking and after walking for nearly an hour I had not yet reached it, suddenly I got scared and fear got the better of me so I decided to call it quits and turned back. Since I was tired by walking so much I took a rickshaw ( hand pulled one). I had the better sense not to take a cab (fear of kidnap).

I swiftly progressed from the fairy tale books to Nancy Drews, MB's, Chase, Sheldon, Robbins, Segal, Archer, Steele,  more recently Dan Brown, Ayn Rand, Gardener to name a few. Of course there were comics .. like tinkle, chandamama, chacha chaudhury, mandrake, phantom, tintin and of course Archie.

Books are my best companion, second only to the internet now... :P cant go on blaming the kids for their game frenzy, when I am also addicted to the net now!

Day Night

DArk DAy
lIGHT nIGHT

Wooman

Woo a man and you are a Woman.

To be or not to be..

I knew what course I would take up, when I was 11 years old.

I was business oriented, so I had already chosen my subjects. We had arts, home science, computers and economics to choose from, in class 9-10. In spite of the fact that economics was a low scoring subject, I was undeterred and chose it. In high school I took up commerce which had other subjects like accounts.

My sister and me always dreamed of starting our own business. Our mom always told us, " both of you are not pretty enough, so you better study and learn to be on your own feet." implying that nobody would want to marry us, the general dictum being only beautiful and "fair" girls married.

While both of us thought we were not so bad, we remained in doubt of our looks!
There were mixed feelings inside me, on one hand I was relieved and happy because I could pursue a career and lead an independent life, but on the other utterly disappointed because I wasn't pretty! Urgghh!!

....mindless image....

I was seriously contemplating my career and focusing in my studies. Just when I finished high school, there came a marriage proposal, and I looked at myself in the mirror, "not bad at all." And before I gave my career a second thought, I got engaged (just on the day I got my high school results). The marriage followed soon and whoosh! here I am making a family instead of a factory!

I dont know what to tell my daughter now.. tie the knot or to work.. to be or not to be?
On second thoughts, I am quite comfortable with my life.. after all "yeh aaraam ka maamla hai" (matter of great comfort). :P

Money and Culture

My sister wrote this on her facebook status update
"Money comes fast and goes fast but culture comes slow and goes also very slow"
This got me thinking...
I realized the importance of culture.
Culture imbibes in us the ability to digest money.
When we have culture we do not give money much importance.

The upcoming gen next sure knows how to make smart and quick money, but alas! they do not know how to save it!
We can derive from this, the fact that culture makes us cautious and if we have culture, money is sure to come, but no smart hot money, but slowly slowly, solid and lasting.

With money and no culture.. money does not stand a chance.
With money and culture.. money stays.
So money is directly proportional to culture.

So all you guys reading this.. get a brush up on culture, before its too late!!

Cricket fever!

Noooo, I never was a very big cricket freak (apart from playing bat and ball when I was very small).
For a lot of people, Cricket is almost a religion and if everyone became a cricket fanatic we could have a war only because of cricket..

Cricket fever caught me in the face of Sachin tendulkar!
Ever since the day I saw him. (in real) sigh!!

I still remember vividly, I was at the Taj Bengal, having a buffet lunch with my sister and aunt, and as we stepped out of the coffee shop, my aunt nudged me and said "Sachin." He was right there in front of me and I was dumbstruck..He looked cho cute. I had seen him on TV but he looked so much cuter right there and he looked at me.. I almost fainted!
Now, I was a very headstrong and egoistic girl, I wouldn't dream of going to him, even for autograph, though a bunch of girls came from nowhere and started harassing him and trying to get close to him. I was like, "okay, so girls might be after you, but not me (as if he cared two hoots). Soon the entire Indian team came  and boarded a bus and went away.
The ride back home was spent swooning and dreaming about, what if, i did go to him.......

After this, I hit on cricket big time. I wouldn't dream of missing any matches where India played and wouldn't miss a ball ever. Soon it was time for world cup 1996 and the semi finals was to be held in Eden Gardens, Calcutta. The teams were India and Sri-lanka. I was desperate to see Sachin again and I had to get myself a pass to be able to go to the stadium and watch him LIVE. I did get the pass and a cousin for company.
I watched the match till Sachin got out and we decided we should return as the match would go on till midnight. When Sachin got out, all hopes of a win was squashed and it was our good fortune we left, because the match was abandoned shortly thereafter, as the spectators got angry and started burning posters and throwing empty bottles on the field..
Here is a picture of the incident..(from this site)

It was a shameful act by Calcutta, and is still a black mark on Eden Garden's history.
Anyways, like all my wishes, this too was a hit and a miss.
In any case, he was already married.. :(

leather touch..

My father belongs to the second generation within the family and community, who makes leather and leather products. The family business had an in house tannery which used raw leather to make it to a finished leather by treating them with various chemical, dyes, the works.. soon the leather would be cut and hand stitched into various leather products like wallets, purses, leather jackets, etc.

The area in and around the leather tanneries stenches..

But, I wasn't so much bothered by the smell.. in fact I loved the smell of wet blue (a kind of treated leather, not really raw anymore, but still smelly to most). The finished leather would smell like most leather handbags or wallets do, but that smell would be a mixture of the smell of the hide and a lot of chemicals. I loved the wet blue smell.. it is still kinda in its initial stages of treatment but I love it..( please dont get ideas, I am not a vampirette)

Once there was a factory lock out due to some agitation by workers and all work had to be shifted home and the hall room was converted into a makeshift store for those wet blues.. When I returned from school, I went and sat on those mountainous piles of leather and stay there the whole day, studying there, playing there, sometimes sleeping too!! 

I had always wanted to join the business when I grew up, the love for leather was in my genes. It was not to be though, being a girl I had to marry and make kids and not leather. Last year, I was in my father's tannery in Calcutta and was with him while he was grading the hides, very quickly, I started pointing out the various grades and my papa was impressed saying that I was a fast learner. 

Even now I have a strong sense for leather, and I usually smell, like one smells a fruit or vegetable, to find if it is real leather or rexine..

Google

Don't believe me? GO ask GOOGLE!

Disappearing..

disappearing forests... disappearing parks.. disappearing vilages.. disappearing fields.. disappearing food.. disappearing mankind??

mmm..Chocolicious!!

Oh my mouth is watering!
Even the mention of chocolate waters my mouth..

When I read about Hansel and Gretel, I was so attracted to the story, only because of the cottage of the witch which was made of chocolates and candies and toffees.. mmm.. wow!!
I wished I had an evil step mom and who would leave me at the forest so that I could find that cottage, and eat those chocolates. Never mind the evil witch who I thought I would outwit after eating up her whole cottage!!
Aaahhh I am lost in the creamy world!

Once some chocolate company, I think it was Cadbury's came to our school and showed us a half an hour video  of how chocolate is made. When I saw those huge vessels filled with creamy chocolate, I wanted to dip myself in it and remain there........... ooohhhh lalala mmmmm
Then I had a brilliant idea, forget foreigners, find a man who owned a chocolate factory  and hook him up with marriage! Howz that??

Even now I eat more chocolate than my kids, and if there is little I will hide from them and eat!

Love and Money!

I have been hearing that "when money comes, love goes out of the window."

Since then i have been wondering what happens when money goes?
Does love then come back in or remain?

Yes I know love is blind etc etc..
But, without money can love survive?

Can love feed you?

Get a roof above your head?

Clothe you?

Money can do all the above... and more! No?

Dont we need those things to survive?

I am not talking about wants which can be unlimited, I am talking about the "basic needs" of human beings!

If the phrase "when money comes, love goes out" holds true then why is it that most poor households have wife beating and polygamy?

Housemaids or helpers or servants who come to my house to clean, wash etc always complain of the shortage of money and sickness and hunger, and yes no support from husbands. There is no mention of love! 

Apparently there is no love.

Now you would be wondering where I got the above phrase from. Obviously, from my rich relatives. As per their view, their husbands get them everything they need, the expensive clothes, the jewelery, the foreign holidays, yet they complain of no love. So strange!

Concluding from the above, there is no love, irrespective of money. Maybe there is love only when you have the right balance of love and money, meaning a little bit of money and a little bit of love can go together

A lot of money = no love
very less money= no love

Is love a myth and money a reality?