Friday, February 18, 2011

love vs arranged marriage

While I was in school my moral science teacher gave us a topic for debate .. "love marriages are better than arranged marriages."
I was in class 8. The students had the right to choose for and against the motion.
I was not surprised to see very many students going for the motion and I think it was just a handful of us who was against the motion.
We all had to write on our own and then we could use our own write up to speak in class during the live debate.

I don't know why? Maybe I was a coward at heart, meaning I didn't want to shoulder the responsibility of choosing my own partner or was it the chemistry my parents (and most other relatives too) shared who obviously had an arranged marriage, and lived in total sync and harmony with each other.
I was without any denial against the motion and I poured my heart out..when I wrote against love marriages..

Here is the recollection of what I wrote almost twenty years ago...

Love is said to be blind and I totally agree BUT marriage is not. Marriage is an eye opener.. marriage brings you back to reality, it opens your eyes and makes you see the real life and that while in love you were probably sleeping and dreaming.
The reason I think love marriages cant be successful are as follows..
1. You aren't sure he/she is the "one." Most falling love at a very young age and are not mature enough to understand whether the alliance is good enough for marriage.
2. This is even more grave, your parents are not sure if you are sure and even if they are, you are most probably given a choice .. either you are in (the house) or out (of the house). In urdu there is a proverb, dhobi ka kutta, na ghar ka na ghat ka.. meaning you cannot have your feet on two boats at the same time.

I was sure I wasn't sure of myself and would never have been sure of my love. Apart from this I totally disbelieve in love at first sight or instant love. Anything instant is bad enough even if it is instant coffee and it sure leaves a bad taste in your mouth.!

Now I face a bigger problem, not having chosen for myself, I am not so sure about how to choose the partner for my kids especially my daughter who would be of marriageable age in some years! Hopefully, the whiter my hair becomes, the wiser my mind becomes too..

PS. I didn't like the idea of being the dhobi's dog either!

Picture from here


  1. I always wonder why they don't make it a multiple choice, like real life ... you can love-marry, arranged-marry, stay single, have a few relationships on and off or be gay and gay-marry or be a gay-single, etc.:)

  2. Hmm.. interesting point! Yesterday I was reading on something called mutah marriage in Islam which is a fixed term(time) temporary marriage... used to be practiced 1500 years ago..
    And I think multiple choice isn't an all together a bad idea!! :P
    Imagine what One could do if one had these kind of options in real life!! after all yeh dil always wants MORE! rofl!

  3. I wish, I could go for a love marriage against my parent wishes. I could not gather courage to stand on my feet on this issue, therefore, suffering to this day.

    Incidentally, I recall your search - I am not good at predicting, have no time to play sudoku though I like that. Yes, surely, I am a fakir - totally free from liabilities and ambitions, and aloo paranthas with curd is my favorite thing since my childhood. I make paranthas, almost every alternate days, on some days they are stuffed with aloo, palak, gobhi, mooli, etc..

    good at predicting, plays sudoku, and calls himself a fakir, perhaps loves aloo paranthas

  4. :) Mr Ram, with the changing times, I am sure love marriages are more appropriate for the gen-now and gen-next! And as long as You dont have kids, you can go on and off relationships just like Yoda mentions in the first coment, till you finally are too tired (read old) to change more! :P

  5. Nice
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