Why not joint families?

Today I went out and met a cousin after a long time. Her mother in law recently expired and she was saying that the environment of the house isnt the same anymore. Another cousin asked, "why? the brothers should get more close now that their mother isnt there anymore," but she said that wasnt the case and that they were more aloof and self oriented now.

I thought and voiced aloud that this might be happening because men spend more time with their wives and kids nowadays, maybe more than they should.. giving ample time for the wives to fill their ears with poison and cause aloofness in the house amongst blood relations...This has caused so many joint families to split and become nuclear now..There are other reasons too.. tolerance and patience are no longer there.. EGO is a BEEG and very hungry too!!

I was born in a joint family, being the first born of a first born, gave me a lot of time to spend with my uncles and aunt, and they all loved me, I like to think that they still do..It was so nice being together, everything shared, the house full of people, not a moment to get lonely or bored.. what a life! I thought I had the best joint family in the world.

"a picture of a beeg joint family at a wedding" Do we stand together only for the camera now?

One fine day it was all over, just like the stock market crash.. I still remember, I was in class 9 and I was appalled and grief stricken. This affected me a great deal, my ranks dropped, I became lazy and sloppy.
What happened really and WHY? I kept thinking how stupid it was to live separately! How uneconomical too! What purpose did it serve really? I live in a joint family, and I had vowed in the beginning of my marriage that I would never be a cause for it to disseminate..Of course there are conflicts and discomforts and less freedom, but if we make a list of advantages and disadvantages.. clearly joint families have always outnumbered disadvantages..well, this is my belief.. Whats yours?

Taught by a tooth!

My papa always emphasized on the importance of health and especially for each tooth (since I was a huge chocolate addict) that we have.
Being quite materialistic in life, I was in love with solitaires, not the game but the diamond with the 4 C's (cut, clarity, colour and carat). He told me time and again, that I had 32 diamonds in my mouth and I should be very happy I had them.
I used to think, everybody has it, so whats the big deal and that papa is just being a miser, because he wont buy me one, though he did eventually buy me one and which I lost subsequently in a train theft, but that is another story..

A couple of years ago, I was having "puchka" a delicacy of kolkata, and suddenly there was a hard thing in my mouth and I thought something had gotten into the puchka's filling, I hurriedly took it out and was aghast to see it was my tooth..one of my molars!

picture courtesy from  here

I went to the dentist, got a false tooth installed by making a bridge over the 2 teeth on the sides, which made me sad to see 2 good teeth being reduced for the sake of the missing tooth. It was then, that I realised the worth of those teeth and that even the biggest of any diamond could not ever replace the natural tooth that I had... I must mention my worst nightmares consists of loosing all my teeth and I wake up sweating and feel them with my tongue and fingers to see if they are still there..!!

What would you rather have? gold, silver or diamonds? or just a tooth?
I wish I had my tooth back....miss it terribly..

normal to C-sections to surrogate

picture from here

I had a baby girl around 5 months back.
I was having this child after a gap of 10 years, my older kids, a girl and a boy are 12 and 10 respectively. My obstetrician was quite apprehensive and told me that a normal delivery was out of question, because I was 30 plus and this baby was coming after a gap of 10 years!All my reports were normal and nothing indicated a high risk pregnancy. So, I fled and went to my parents place, where indeed I delivered normally.
Incidentally, even in that place C-section deliveries was the norm in 9 out of 10 cases.

While in labor, I was surprised to see the room empty, since it was a very big hospital, I had thought there would be other mothers giving me company. I asked the nurse on duty and she said, most women prefer C-sections, so they need not come in the labor ward.
Next morning, I met some mothers near the nursery, and I asked if there was any amongst them who delivered normal. and not a single one replied in the affirmative.. and when I said I had a normal one, they looked at me like I was some alien from some other planet! I too was a bit taken aback to see their reactions!

When I returned home, I told papa about it and he said," its a wonder girls are still carrying their babies in their wombs." This hit me with the idea, that surrogate mothers could become a very lucrative business in days to come.
Not that I wished it to be this way.. but then who am I!
An article which stole my views ..(kidding) surrogacy in India

New cars versus Old cars

look! not divided.. so romantic na?

  When I was small, we had two common models on the road then, and none had divided (bucket) seats in front. Those were the days of the Ambassadors and the Fiats. Although there were some others, and even they didnt have divided front seats. By now you must have understood what difference I am emphasizing on!
It was so romantic without the gear in between, the hero and heroine could snuggle close... ( do you need bucket seats?) I imagined "one day I will" too with my hero.. blush blush. Sadly, Maruti came in the late 80's and with it was introduced the gear between the seats and to this day it is still there ... in between like "kabab mein haddi"

Before I forget, those days most car owners always had drivers or chauffeurs to drive the oh! so romantic without gear in between cars. Ironically, it is self driven more now and least romantic seating arrangement!


There used to be one car per family (not a nuclear family but a joint family). The head of the house, in my case, my grandfather had the first rights to using it and the family (parents, uncles, aunties, cousins) used it with permission. But, the strangest thing is that I never remember there was any conflict or dearth for using it

I don't think we had any kind of music system either.. and we never missed having one.. antakchari was there, cause we never drove alone. I especially remember singing all my nursery rhymes when I was really small.. on the way to anywhere..

Yes, the AC is an added comfort now, but isn't it a warmer planet than it was?

Picture from here

listen

Be glad when nobody listens to you, this way you dont have to listen to anyone either!

fRee

FREE for a FEE

Why do we contradict?

I got a promotional call from Vodafone. They said I had an offer of sending free joke sms for a fee of Rs 10.
This cracked me up.. free with a fee!

Haven't we lived a life saying something and doing something, so now its the new way of marketing too.
Do they really think people to be so naive to actually fall for this, or maybe they do, cause its happening all around. Even the banks sell policies by saying that its for free and then they charge a fee!!

I contradicted myself when I wrote a blog on Why is silence golden? in this blog. I shouldn't have written it, and as per the person who commented, shouldn't have commented on it, had he understood it! confused? Read again. If confused again, keep reading, because even though I said silence is golden, I wont shut up.

More on this later...

college grads convocation...

Thats a dream too..
I went to college for the first few months  (just in case, the marriage got postponed or cancelled, I had better keep continue my studies ;) )... wasnt very memorable though, and why would it be? I was already engaged, my mind and heart wasnt on studies anymore... I had envisaged a fairy tale marriage and the shopping excited me, quite silly of me ...no?

What I didnt realise, was that I would forever miss the golden chance that I had.
Had I been adamant and insisted on completing my studies, nobody could or would have forced me into it.
Now, I miss it so much. I miss school a lot and if I had gone to college it would have just added to all the wonderful memories I already have..

Since I was used to a girls only school, I felt a bit awkward in a co-ed college. I was shy even to go to the canteen. I couldn't understand the teaching methods in the college, no textbooks prescribed..it was difficult to get studying material on my own..it was tough and I got disinterested, not to say the teachers weren't helpful at all.
I remember the first day, I had trouble choosing what to wear? :-? I thought I shouldn't look out of the crowd, lest the raggers picked me up, so NO to flashy (Veronica) type dresses and NO to behanji (Betty) type dresses. I chose a pretty yet plain dress.

Once I was walking back home and a boy came up to me and said that he was my classmate ( I didnt recognize him) and did I mind if he walked alongside me. I was ok with it and we talked as we walked, his house came and he went and I walked on..The next day, I told my friend about it and she asked me who was the boy and I was aghast to find out that I didn't even remember who it was.. So, thats the amount of interest I had at that time..
Bad rotten luck!! One guy tried befriending me and I was so careless I forgot him! Can you beat that?

But, Oh I love the convocation ceremony, and only for that I regret I didn't complete my studies..
It must feel so heavenly wearing that black coat and hat and then throwing the hat up in the air in joy and celebration. I feel exhilarated just by talking about it!! phew!

picture from here

Why do we start living in the face of death!

Recently I saw "Anjaana Anjaani."
It was an ok flick.. just a time pass..
The plot revolved around 2 people who wanted to die because of their personal failures in life.
Both couldnt succeed and they took that as a sign that they needed some more time.. Maybe the time wasnt right to die. So they both decided on a date to die.. That date was a good 20 days away and then they began to LIVE...
Amazing no?

Seen Anand?  How could Rajesh Khanna (Anand) who knew he was dying, LIVE.
By LIVE I mean to live life to the fullest, do what you want. enjoy life thoroughly!
Dont care what the world thinks.. Dont put off things because you have extra days..
Dont we all love putting off most things.. especially those which we always wanted to do?
I have read so many inspirational blogs and write ups urging us to do whatever we want straightaway..
But, who cares a damn, we all like to think we are going to live for like forever!!

Kabir's famous dohas (couplets) say
"Kaal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab.
Pal mein pralaya hogi, bahuri karoge kab?"
meaning the human tendency of being lazy and procrastination and of putting off things for later..
Its like we are so sure of the future but not at all sure of our present.. we say we will do it, thereby establishing of a future which we cannot be sure of at all!!

So, we need the help of our friend that is death.. (maybe its a fiend to many)
But, what if we all knew when we were going to die? the exact date? would it really be too bad?
naah I think it would be better and more so for the procrastinators!! no?

sulking

I have been sulking for the past few days.
Why dont I catch some dreaded disease and die!
This time I dont want to get treated even if I am taken abroad
I dont want treatment
leave me alone...........

A friend from school called, and it was the only cheerful 10 mins (in the whole day) spent talking to her.
We talked about olden days, it was like going back in time.. so much memories
Since her house was nearby, we always met after school, she would come to my place or I would go to hers.
Not a single day passed without us meeting and ganging.
Yes, thats exactly what we did.. just aimlessly loitering around the neighborhood.
She asked me if I was the same? I said same meaning .. what was I like?
She said I was bindaas and pataka!!
I said, I wasnt sure if I was the same anymore, I got some white strands on my hair now and I guess jumping around is also not done anymore...
We resolved to meet soon and catch up on old times and maybe share the present (not a gift at all).

I know I am not being good at all, but I cant pretend, and I have no one to talk to..I dont even wish to talk..to anyone..I am a really horrible girl and I hate myself, my life, everything
Thanks for listening blogger..

i wish i were dead..

and you thought I was very positive?
just because I always smile?
just because I seldom complain?
Just because I show spirit?
I have my ups and downs, but I pretend that I am happy.

I am reminded of the nursery rhyme
"There was a little girl, who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very very good!
But, when she was bad, she was HORRID!
And thats exactly what I am
Right now I am horrid and I cant think of a day I was ever good!

When I was small, I picked up fights very often, stopped talking to my uncles for days, even months..I hated my life, I thought no one loved me and felt so unwanted. Maybe I was just a spoilt and pampered brat!

I'd wish I was never born. I had no control over my birth, have no control over my life and no control on death!
I am a masochist and love to inflict pain on myself..
I have have gone hungry for days and have had sleeping pills, refused any companionship and shut myself up for days!

Does it help? Dont know for sure.. but its my only way out
Keep sulking..

know

but they dont know...they wont know...But I know in my heart..

the bindi and the mangalsutra!

mangalsutra

I am a muslim and we dont wear the bindi and the mangalsutra when we marry.
But, damn it, I simply adore it!
I always loved the typical indian attire, complete with the bindi and bangles! so pretty...
Muslims wear bangles, but not bindi. It is said that the place where I stick the bindi on my forehead will be scorched with fire in hell, so its a taboo. But that didnt stop me from wearing it to school, or to a non muslim party.
I think it suited me, the forehead looked so empty without one.
When I was in high school and went for Saturday extra classes (and movies thereafter) the bindi was a must.
I almost wore it on my engagement till a religiously fanatic relative struck it off my forehead. I was boiling inside but I exercised control, after all I was the bride..
The bindi wish was fulfilled...but I never got to wear a mangalsutra..
Its a nice necklace with a string of black beads and a gold locket at the center...
I thought to buy one at the time of my marriage, but didnt, er...well couldnt, had already bought loads of gold!
I thought I would buy it later, but yet I never came around to buying one..
As I write this, in the middle of the night, I almost have the urge to buy one straightaway, but the shops would be closed.. tomorrow then.. eeeks tomorrow is a Sunday! (not to mention gold is at Rs 20000 per 10 gms)
Oh! I almost forgot the payal.. the one with ghungroos (bells). This is forbidden too, but I have more than one, though I dont wear them, but am thinking of wearing it tomorrow..
Enough is enough, and in any case Adam and Eve couldnt resist the forbidden fruit and I am just a mortal woman

need

Earn more = Spend more?
Need is not needed anymore!

Out of mind!

Out of sight is not out of mind, because seeing me will BLOW you out of your mind!

UP and DOWN!

Just because a woman looks UP and a man looks DOWN while talking to each other does not make women any superior to men (and vice versa)

Why arent there real men anymore?

What is a Man? Just a gender who has a different set of organs as compared to women.
A Man in the real sense of the word was one who was the master of the world.
He commanded respect and had the controls of his life and of his family.
Men who hunted with the wild animals and secured the life of his family.
A Man who had undaunted courage.
A Man who respected the women as one of his mother, sister, daughter or wife and not looked down upon the fairer sex.
To give respect or to be humble are the traits of great men.
Alas! Nowadays if one is humble it is regarded as being a coward and not having enough guts.

I thought a lot about this.. where have this species vanished??
My sister says .. all men are female trapped in a male's body and thus,women folk of today face crisis!

An article I found really interesting on SAVE MEN!
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/book_extracts/article4448371.ece

I dont know how much of this is true, for I believe that there arent any more real women left than any real men . Real women were soft, gentle docile creatures but a strong willed and pious woman who shouldered all her household responsibilities without as much as a whimper!
Now women have become bolder, independent and more manly,so is it not proper for nature to balance the act by a softer more docile man? Who are we (women) to ask where the men are? Ask yourself, "am I a real woman?"
After all I believe its a free world and a free market.. and all this real men and women are market driven really.. no?

Bribing...??

Childhood is all about innocence and I was one innocent child, really!

It was taught in school and by elders that bribing is a bad thing and that we should never indulge in it.
I was a straight girl, if teachers say its bad, its bad. I was very obedient (mark that I use past tense).

My father took us out for an outing or dinner most Sundays, when I was like in my preteens.

I particularly remember one such Sunday when we were out and papa was driving.

There was a new bridge being constructed over the Hooghly (The Vidyasagar Setu) and since it was already years under construction and it looked almost complete, we decided to try it for a drive.
After reaching almost the middle of the bridge we saw a police patrol. They made us stop the car and admonished us for driving over an unbuilt unopened bridge. To which my father said that there was no sign to tell us that we were forbidden entry. The policeman said that we would be fined for the offence.

It was probably a big amount. Papa wanted to give a small bribe amount so that he wouldn't have to pay the fine, but I was adamant. How could he bribe? That is not done! It was against my morals. I told papa, no bribe and that officer couldn't fine us because there ought to be a sign telling us that entry was forbidden. Why did they have to be patrolling the middle of the bridge, when they should have been near the start of the bridge.
I said let him call a bigger officer and we can argue our way, because apparently to me, we were not wrong.

We waited for him to call the senior official for an hour or so, but there was no sign of any official coming our way. It was getting darker and I noticed that the patrolling policeman was in no hurry to fine us, but he was looking quite willing to settle for an amount for himself! My father asked me if he could (I respect my father for having so much faith and patience to care for my moral values). I let go, sensing that, that was the only solution then, and papa handed the policeman a note and we turned the car back!

picture from here

That was the first time I realized that rules are just meant to be broken and that its a bad bad world out there!
A small part of me died....

No Dilwale for me :(

Ahem ahem! This would sound very filmy.. But its true.

I have already mentioned I was engaged just after high school, and that was the year I went to my last school trip with friends. The movie, DDLJ was released on 20th October 1995 and I went on the trip in December 1995.
In the movie, the heroine is already engaged to someone she has never met by her conservative father, and on a trip with her friends when she meets her love..This was similar to my situation where I was also engaged, never seen my fiancé, and on a trip. My friends and teachers kept comparing me to the character of the girl in the movie. Inadvertently, I started wishing..maybe I would too...meaning.... find my love :P
Unlike the heroine who was in London and her trip was the swiss alps (oh lalala), I had to make do with south India! Thinking that anyone could be the ONE for me, I was very vigilant and one could call it, quite open to flirtatious endeavors.

It almost happened in Bangalore, I was at Big Kids Kemp, and the salesman was a really cute guy, and he gave me a lot of attention (and I let him). I was trying to pick up a tie and there was so many and I couldnt decide which one to take, and suddenly I did not want to buy any. But since it would sound rude of me to say I didnt like any, after he had shown me hundreds of ties, I coyly told him that I liked the one he was wearing and that nothing he showed me was as good as his tie! He said, it was bought from some other shop and there was not much chance of it being in the store, but he would still try and check with all his might. I was quite relieved and I thought that he would never find it and I would have saved my money..Lo and behold! he got it in 5 minutes and there was more than one! naturally I had to pay for my overtures. It was a cheap tie and that salesman must have got it for 5 times lesser than what I paid for it. It still has never been worn and serves only as a memoir of that incident!

The Tie still packed!

The rest of the trip was fun, but event less!

I went back and married the one my father chose for me.. period!

Found time

TIME is the most valuable FIND

problem of plenty

See, I dont want to talk big, and I sincerely apologize if what I am going to write sounds like beeg mouth (or as my daddy calls me "A Snob")
I was awesome, since I was small. I kept discovering that I was quite good in anything I did, it was only a matter of interest. If something intrigued me enough, I set my mind and heart on it.
I will try to put them in chronological order..

While still a child I was good in swimming, so I was a swimming champ (of course! only in my mind)
In fact I liked playing a lot, any kind of sport (considering that I considered my self to be a boy, I preferred outdoor sports) and I was game for it. As I grew up, I found cycling very exhilarating, so cycle champ! (again in my mind)

I used to scribble whenever I had a pencil in my hand, my fingers went hm mmm mm... Suddenly the scribbles turned into intrinsic designs and I started creating lovely designs, it could be used to design textile, jewellery, mehndi. bindi... Some scribblings I found along with my books..

                                                                  free hand scribblings!

My art teacher was awed and called me a jewel which was not cut yet (like an uncut diamond). She implored me to take up Arts in higher classes. (though I promised her, I never did)

Then I was coaxed by my sister to learn some embroidery, I found I was excellent in needle work and it earned me laurels from my mother in law, who was delighted by my needle art. I was not too bad in tailoring and could stitch anything to perfection. (blush)

What I am trying to say here is that I had a problem of plenty, meaning since I was so good in so many diverse things, I got confused at times, and didnt know what to really take up seriously enough!
Maybe I was just a jack (in the box) of all and master of none!
When there is plenty to choose, we choose plenty! no?

blo(g)ock

latest on the blo(g)ock

money tummy

The root of all evil
Its not Money
Its the Tummy

Be(ad)have

Badder we think we are, better we behave.

Hooked on books

                                                                Picture from here
The merit goes to my kindergarten friend for introducing me to books.
Well, she does not remember me though I found her on facebook, and I don't blame her (nothing special about me)

My first book was the ginger bread boy, yes it was a fairy tale but I was in KG remember!
I was unstoppable. As soon as a book finished I wanted another, used to sneak and hide and read just like the kid in the bajaj ad. Nowadays I rarely find any child reading like that, they are more into movies, cartoons, gameboy, psp, wii..I was wondering, if the ad was released now, it would sound so obnoxious, after all, very few can relate to reading ( even story books) with that kind of fervor ( my kids don't).

Once, my exams were just over (I was 12), I wanted a book desperately but my mom wouldnt take me to the market to buy me one. Being the angry girl that I was, I set out on foot even though I had a very vague idea of the directions to the market. (quite a distance from my house) and I being mostly chauffeur driven, had never embarked on a foot journey. I went on walking and after walking for nearly an hour I had not yet reached it, suddenly I got scared and fear got the better of me so I decided to call it quits and turned back. Since I was tired by walking so much I took a rickshaw ( hand pulled one). I had the better sense not to take a cab (fear of kidnap).

I swiftly progressed from the fairy tale books to Nancy Drews, MB's, Chase, Sheldon, Robbins, Segal, Archer, Steele,  more recently Dan Brown, Ayn Rand, Gardener to name a few. Of course there were comics .. like tinkle, chandamama, chacha chaudhury, mandrake, phantom, tintin and of course Archie.

Books are my best companion, second only to the internet now... :P cant go on blaming the kids for their game frenzy, when I am also addicted to the net now!

Day Night

DArk DAy
lIGHT nIGHT

Wooman

Woo a man and you are a Woman.

To be or not to be..

I knew what course I would take up, when I was 11 years old.

I was business oriented, so I had already chosen my subjects. We had arts, home science, computers and economics to choose from, in class 9-10. In spite of the fact that economics was a low scoring subject, I was undeterred and chose it. In high school I took up commerce which had other subjects like accounts.

My sister and me always dreamed of starting our own business. Our mom always told us, " both of you are not pretty enough, so you better study and learn to be on your own feet." implying that nobody would want to marry us, the general dictum being only beautiful and "fair" girls married.

While both of us thought we were not so bad, we remained in doubt of our looks!
There were mixed feelings inside me, on one hand I was relieved and happy because I could pursue a career and lead an independent life, but on the other utterly disappointed because I wasn't pretty! Urgghh!!

....mindless image....

I was seriously contemplating my career and focusing in my studies. Just when I finished high school, there came a marriage proposal, and I looked at myself in the mirror, "not bad at all." And before I gave my career a second thought, I got engaged (just on the day I got my high school results). The marriage followed soon and whoosh! here I am making a family instead of a factory!

I dont know what to tell my daughter now.. tie the knot or to work.. to be or not to be?
On second thoughts, I am quite comfortable with my life.. after all "yeh aaraam ka maamla hai" (matter of great comfort). :P

Money and Culture

My sister wrote this on her facebook status update
"Money comes fast and goes fast but culture comes slow and goes also very slow"
This got me thinking...
I realized the importance of culture.
Culture imbibes in us the ability to digest money.
When we have culture we do not give money much importance.

The upcoming gen next sure knows how to make smart and quick money, but alas! they do not know how to save it!
We can derive from this, the fact that culture makes us cautious and if we have culture, money is sure to come, but no smart hot money, but slowly slowly, solid and lasting.

With money and no culture.. money does not stand a chance.
With money and culture.. money stays.
So money is directly proportional to culture.

So all you guys reading this.. get a brush up on culture, before its too late!!

Cricket fever!

Noooo, I never was a very big cricket freak (apart from playing bat and ball when I was very small).
For a lot of people, Cricket is almost a religion and if everyone became a cricket fanatic we could have a war only because of cricket..

Cricket fever caught me in the face of Sachin tendulkar!
Ever since the day I saw him. (in real) sigh!!

I still remember vividly, I was at the Taj Bengal, having a buffet lunch with my sister and aunt, and as we stepped out of the coffee shop, my aunt nudged me and said "Sachin." He was right there in front of me and I was dumbstruck..He looked cho cute. I had seen him on TV but he looked so much cuter right there and he looked at me.. I almost fainted!
Now, I was a very headstrong and egoistic girl, I wouldn't dream of going to him, even for autograph, though a bunch of girls came from nowhere and started harassing him and trying to get close to him. I was like, "okay, so girls might be after you, but not me (as if he cared two hoots). Soon the entire Indian team came  and boarded a bus and went away.
The ride back home was spent swooning and dreaming about, what if, i did go to him.......

After this, I hit on cricket big time. I wouldn't dream of missing any matches where India played and wouldn't miss a ball ever. Soon it was time for world cup 1996 and the semi finals was to be held in Eden Gardens, Calcutta. The teams were India and Sri-lanka. I was desperate to see Sachin again and I had to get myself a pass to be able to go to the stadium and watch him LIVE. I did get the pass and a cousin for company.
I watched the match till Sachin got out and we decided we should return as the match would go on till midnight. When Sachin got out, all hopes of a win was squashed and it was our good fortune we left, because the match was abandoned shortly thereafter, as the spectators got angry and started burning posters and throwing empty bottles on the field..
Here is a picture of the incident..(from this site)

It was a shameful act by Calcutta, and is still a black mark on Eden Garden's history.
Anyways, like all my wishes, this too was a hit and a miss.
In any case, he was already married.. :(