To be or not to be..

I knew what course I would take up, when I was 11 years old.

I was business oriented, so I had already chosen my subjects. We had arts, home science, computers and economics to choose from, in class 9-10. In spite of the fact that economics was a low scoring subject, I was undeterred and chose it. In high school I took up commerce which had other subjects like accounts.

My sister and me always dreamed of starting our own business. Our mom always told us, " both of you are not pretty enough, so you better study and learn to be on your own feet." implying that nobody would want to marry us, the general dictum being only beautiful and "fair" girls married.

While both of us thought we were not so bad, we remained in doubt of our looks!
There were mixed feelings inside me, on one hand I was relieved and happy because I could pursue a career and lead an independent life, but on the other utterly disappointed because I wasn't pretty! Urgghh!!

....mindless image....

I was seriously contemplating my career and focusing in my studies. Just when I finished high school, there came a marriage proposal, and I looked at myself in the mirror, "not bad at all." And before I gave my career a second thought, I got engaged (just on the day I got my high school results). The marriage followed soon and whoosh! here I am making a family instead of a factory!

I dont know what to tell my daughter now.. tie the knot or to work.. to be or not to be?
On second thoughts, I am quite comfortable with my life.. after all "yeh aaraam ka maamla hai" (matter of great comfort). :P

Money and Culture

My sister wrote this on her facebook status update
"Money comes fast and goes fast but culture comes slow and goes also very slow"
This got me thinking...
I realized the importance of culture.
Culture imbibes in us the ability to digest money.
When we have culture we do not give money much importance.

The upcoming gen next sure knows how to make smart and quick money, but alas! they do not know how to save it!
We can derive from this, the fact that culture makes us cautious and if we have culture, money is sure to come, but no smart hot money, but slowly slowly, solid and lasting.

With money and no culture.. money does not stand a chance.
With money and culture.. money stays.
So money is directly proportional to culture.

So all you guys reading this.. get a brush up on culture, before its too late!!

Cricket fever!

Noooo, I never was a very big cricket freak (apart from playing bat and ball when I was very small).
For a lot of people, Cricket is almost a religion and if everyone became a cricket fanatic we could have a war only because of cricket..

Cricket fever caught me in the face of Sachin tendulkar!
Ever since the day I saw him. (in real) sigh!!

I still remember vividly, I was at the Taj Bengal, having a buffet lunch with my sister and aunt, and as we stepped out of the coffee shop, my aunt nudged me and said "Sachin." He was right there in front of me and I was dumbstruck..He looked cho cute. I had seen him on TV but he looked so much cuter right there and he looked at me.. I almost fainted!
Now, I was a very headstrong and egoistic girl, I wouldn't dream of going to him, even for autograph, though a bunch of girls came from nowhere and started harassing him and trying to get close to him. I was like, "okay, so girls might be after you, but not me (as if he cared two hoots). Soon the entire Indian team came  and boarded a bus and went away.
The ride back home was spent swooning and dreaming about, what if, i did go to him.......

After this, I hit on cricket big time. I wouldn't dream of missing any matches where India played and wouldn't miss a ball ever. Soon it was time for world cup 1996 and the semi finals was to be held in Eden Gardens, Calcutta. The teams were India and Sri-lanka. I was desperate to see Sachin again and I had to get myself a pass to be able to go to the stadium and watch him LIVE. I did get the pass and a cousin for company.
I watched the match till Sachin got out and we decided we should return as the match would go on till midnight. When Sachin got out, all hopes of a win was squashed and it was our good fortune we left, because the match was abandoned shortly thereafter, as the spectators got angry and started burning posters and throwing empty bottles on the field..
Here is a picture of the incident..(from this site)

It was a shameful act by Calcutta, and is still a black mark on Eden Garden's history.
Anyways, like all my wishes, this too was a hit and a miss.
In any case, he was already married.. :(

leather touch..

My father belongs to the second generation within the family and community, who makes leather and leather products. The family business had an in house tannery which used raw leather to make it to a finished leather by treating them with various chemical, dyes, the works.. soon the leather would be cut and hand stitched into various leather products like wallets, purses, leather jackets, etc.

The area in and around the leather tanneries stenches..

But, I wasn't so much bothered by the smell.. in fact I loved the smell of wet blue (a kind of treated leather, not really raw anymore, but still smelly to most). The finished leather would smell like most leather handbags or wallets do, but that smell would be a mixture of the smell of the hide and a lot of chemicals. I loved the wet blue smell.. it is still kinda in its initial stages of treatment but I love it..( please dont get ideas, I am not a vampirette)

Once there was a factory lock out due to some agitation by workers and all work had to be shifted home and the hall room was converted into a makeshift store for those wet blues.. When I returned from school, I went and sat on those mountainous piles of leather and stay there the whole day, studying there, playing there, sometimes sleeping too!! 

I had always wanted to join the business when I grew up, the love for leather was in my genes. It was not to be though, being a girl I had to marry and make kids and not leather. Last year, I was in my father's tannery in Calcutta and was with him while he was grading the hides, very quickly, I started pointing out the various grades and my papa was impressed saying that I was a fast learner. 

Even now I have a strong sense for leather, and I usually smell, like one smells a fruit or vegetable, to find if it is real leather or rexine..

Google

Don't believe me? GO ask GOOGLE!

Disappearing..

disappearing forests... disappearing parks.. disappearing vilages.. disappearing fields.. disappearing food.. disappearing mankind??

mmm..Chocolicious!!

Oh my mouth is watering!
Even the mention of chocolate waters my mouth..

When I read about Hansel and Gretel, I was so attracted to the story, only because of the cottage of the witch which was made of chocolates and candies and toffees.. mmm.. wow!!
I wished I had an evil step mom and who would leave me at the forest so that I could find that cottage, and eat those chocolates. Never mind the evil witch who I thought I would outwit after eating up her whole cottage!!
Aaahhh I am lost in the creamy world!

Once some chocolate company, I think it was Cadbury's came to our school and showed us a half an hour video  of how chocolate is made. When I saw those huge vessels filled with creamy chocolate, I wanted to dip myself in it and remain there........... ooohhhh lalala mmmmm
Then I had a brilliant idea, forget foreigners, find a man who owned a chocolate factory  and hook him up with marriage! Howz that??

Even now I eat more chocolate than my kids, and if there is little I will hide from them and eat!

Love and Money!

I have been hearing that "when money comes, love goes out of the window."

Since then i have been wondering what happens when money goes?
Does love then come back in or remain?

Yes I know love is blind etc etc..
But, without money can love survive?

Can love feed you?

Get a roof above your head?

Clothe you?

Money can do all the above... and more! No?

Dont we need those things to survive?

I am not talking about wants which can be unlimited, I am talking about the "basic needs" of human beings!

If the phrase "when money comes, love goes out" holds true then why is it that most poor households have wife beating and polygamy?

Housemaids or helpers or servants who come to my house to clean, wash etc always complain of the shortage of money and sickness and hunger, and yes no support from husbands. There is no mention of love! 

Apparently there is no love.

Now you would be wondering where I got the above phrase from. Obviously, from my rich relatives. As per their view, their husbands get them everything they need, the expensive clothes, the jewelery, the foreign holidays, yet they complain of no love. So strange!

Concluding from the above, there is no love, irrespective of money. Maybe there is love only when you have the right balance of love and money, meaning a little bit of money and a little bit of love can go together

A lot of money = no love
very less money= no love

Is love a myth and money a reality?

Foreign fantasy

Yes, I fantasized the word foreign and everything associated with it.

My first love was Switzerland courtesy Yash Chopra and his picturesque film songs.

I loved the snow capped mountains and the saree clad heroine (she was too hot to feel cold in thin saree too). I must mention the trains, the ones which travel all over Europe ..wow! and the scenes that passed by
My father often had to travel to Europe because of his export business, and I yearned to go with him. Once i remember taking out all my clothes from the almirah and insisting that he take me although school was on. Obviously he didn't take me and I cried for hours.

My grandpa became critically ill and was diagnosed with throat cancer for which he was taken to london to be treated with the best doctors and hospitals, and I so fervently desired to go, that I wished I was also ill, so that I would be taken there even if it were for treatment.

It wasn't just foreign travel on my mind, I was also secretly in love with foreigners.
If someone asked me did I love someone? I used to answer,"yes, a foreigner."
Someday I would marry a foreigner and will go away for ever. (sshhh)
My prince charming in a white horse was a "gora" (white) :P

yeah yeah .. Neither did I go abroad nor did I marry a gora :-((
Maybe someday i will ..........

friend or fiend?

FrIEND always

Con game!

CONsciousness CONs CONfidence

Oh Boy!

Oh I wished I was a boy!

I had this notion that to be a girl or a boy was in my hands.. (level of confidence was ohhhh)
So, I had a sister and she was all girlie, she had her ears and all pierced when she was in class 1, but not me..
When mom wanted me to get mine pierced .. I was like, "What rubbish I am going to be a boy when i grow up!!"

I hated all girl things.. playing indoors was a no no especially with dolls and house house eeeks!!!
But I was left alone with nobody to play with, so I had to strike a deal with my sis, I play doll doll for one hour and she plays bat and ball for one hour.

Often I searched for games which required no partner, and I found squash, flying kites, playing with carom (both sides). I sometimes invited the boys from outside to throw the ball while I batted. hehe!

I was so damn serious about it that I convinced myself that it was possible and I would certainly prove it.
It was at that time I also read on some people who underwent operations to change gender, and I thought, "there! I am not the only one."

Alas! I was in the 6th std, and slowly came to realize that it wasn't possible and that I was destined to be a girl and I had no power to change it! It was a Blow initially and as a sign of giving up .. i went and got my ears, nose pierced in one go! ;(

Since then I have tried to behave like a girl (I really try hard to)

magic wand!

So I just watched a movie and there was this magic wand that did all the works and more..
How I wanted I had one..
I was sure, (because i was six) I could find it somewhere, it was only a question of time and persistence!
I thought I will start by asking anyone and everyone (someone would know!)

Now I was a stubborn child and if I wanted anything I wanted it BAD.
There was a distant relative who used to come to our house often,and even though he wasn't given much importance, i wouldn't think of not asking him, lest he knew!!
He said indeed he had one but it would cost me 50 rupees
I was ecstatic! and even though I didn't have the money I promised to get the money within a day or two.
I don't remember where I got the money from, perhaps it was stolen (yes I was cheeky enough to steal)
And sure enough my deal was done and I had a stick in my hands!
I quietly went up to my room and i moved the piece of wood up and down spoke to it for hours !!
I was desperate but it did not do anything as per my wish..
I wished I start flying but not a budge I felt!

Saddened and disheartened, I showed the stick to my grand mom (whom I was very pally with) and she told me it was a piece of sandalwood and not a magic wand!
I was :@ (angry) and !@#$#@!#$#@$%(abusive)
How dare someone dupe ME!
I had to get my money back and I waited for that relative to come so that I gave the sandalwood back to him and get my money back. He did come after a few days and I vented out my anger on him and demanded that he returned the money.. which alas! he had spent!
Along with the money, my hopes of finding a magic wand was also squashed..

one of the first bitter lessons of my life! No MAGIC WAND (boo hoo)

introduction for a new series in this blog

When I was smallY
My wishes were manY
Now that I am bigY
I know they were so sillY

Now when i think of theM
I feel I was such a buM
But wishing was such fuN
even though it wasn't doNe

The time has comE
To pen down somE
So I will try to use wit
and produce some .... eeeks did i just wish i was a poet !!
cant find a word to rhyme with wit , wonder how I came thus far!!

quit equity

eQUITy

SEekrecy

SEeking SEcrecy..

mirror

Evil livE
TRUtH HURTs
MooD DooM

punch lines

LInES with a punch!

missmall

we miss the small things in life... but run after big things!

sees

REFLECTions helps TO SEE 

bLame

to blame is lame enough

hOLD on

Too OLD to hOLD on!

Sad sins!

ShADows and SunshINeS

O A

Opposites ATTrACKt!

dead living

liVed till i diEd

sTop

You got to sTop at the Top!

Minding mind

My mind reminds me to mind my own mind!

point to point

Point I am trying to make is dont miss my Point

Why is silence golden?

If silence is golden? Why do we say it?

A lot of times I have noticed that we speak to hear ourselves.
Is it because we need to convince ourselves and hence the need to say it aloud!
Look into the mirror and say (maybe lie) "hey you are good!" and you feel good instantly, thats the power of words!

I have noticed young girls and boys need to say they love each other all the time. Parents love their kids too, and unconditionally , but parents dont need to express it in words all the time..a child is always secured about the love of their parents!
Saying is like "advertising" and when said, it brings down the sincerity of whatever is said and expressed!
Why do we need to say it? When you love somebody show it..(actions speak louder than words) be by them when they need you the most. Saying is the most easiest and perhaps the most popular way of expression!

Men and women have different constitutions, men being more practical and women being more emotional. this is the reason why men dont express their love as often as women. But aint the men doing it everyday .. earning and working hard for their family is equivalent to loving their family.. But all women want are the three words.. I love you!

"What you do speaks so loudly that I can hardly hear what you say" by Ralph Waldo Stevenson
A friend (who calls himself dull) said that he prefers to be considered dumb rather than opening his mouth and confirming it!
I read somewhere that we should try to say sweet words because we might have to eat them in the future.. would anyone like to eat bitter?
Its simply saying that we should say as much as we can hear!

I feel that words are said when actions just fail!
Would you say it if you meant it?

A line/phrase has more impact than a paragraph/page,
A word much more than a line/phrase,
can you imagine the impact of silence!!

A lot is said rather than done!
What would you like, saying it or doing it?

Why do we blame?

A "bad" carpenter always blames his tools!!
No?
A "believer" says "All happens with the will of God!"
An "estranged" couple says "Its all because of our parents that we married even though we werent compatible."
A "failed" student says "I wanted to do something else, but was forced to study!"
The list can be endless.....
We rarely see anyone admitting his/her faults..
When we blame we shrug off our responsibility and are reluctant to accept our weaknesses!!
What happens is we seldom or never learn from our own mistakes..
Everybody loves to point a finger at others...

My mummy told me when I was young,"When you point a finger towards others, three fingers point back at you." One of the few lessons of life I try not to forget!!
My faults/mistakes are 3 times more than others!!
From now onwards I point the finger at myself and the rest 3 point at the world!! cool!

Although just passing the buck, sometimes does solve the pressure of the problem..
One gains a kind of self empathy and accepts whatever has happened quite easily...
But this passing the buck is like a pain killer.. all it does is numb the after effects! but the pain/loss is still there , one only overlooks it!!

Like my mom says.. " hum acche tho sab acche" meaning when I am good everybody else is good too.