The body knows..

My daughter said to me, how is this phrase?
"I found myself when he found me."

I said yes that happens when you are not aware of all your good and bad qualities yourself.
what happens is when someone highlights your good qualities you light up especially when you know it to be true too deep within. For example you know all along you aren't bad looking but your step mother always made you feel so but someone comes along who finds you good looking then you see he sees in you what is her truest self. His praises should not be exaggeration for then deep within you would know he is also faking. Reason why, not all flattery gets to us, only the genuine ones do touch is deep inside.

Similar thing happens when someone gaslights us by giving us negative vibes about us. He or she may say or make us feel ugly or not good enough, but if we know what we are inside we wont try to prove ourselves because we are comfortable in our own skin. but if we take offense simply because we believe we are not ugly we would be lying to ourselves if we really were not that good looking.
lying to self will always be taken negatively by the body, in time the results will show. the body will never try to make itself look better.

But on the other hand if someone makes us feel ugly and we ain't, and we feel ugly, the body will try to prove otherwise by making the person more and more prettier!!
So the body knows it always...

End of the day. the balancing act by nature continues!

Faith and Belief

Islam.. or most religions as I gather are a belief system, which is to say believe someone outside of you without questioning it.
I think Belief without questioning raises self doubts within and one is NOT allowed to clear those doubts, they learn to live with those doubts and honestly self doubt is like killing with slow poison.
Even then doubts are as sacred as their belief. You question their beliefs, their self doubts come to the surface and turn into anger.
The thing is, deep inside they cannot and have not ever had full faith in their beliefs..
I have posted a passage from Osho on my timeline.. read it to get the understanding.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10212453794921426&id=1278301578

Silent God

If you were God, what would you say?
"Silence.... "
People took me as Fire
People took me as Brahma, Vishnu
People took me as Yahweh
People took me as God, father of Jesus
People took me as Allah
Then people fought amongst who took me the right way.
I remained Silent
Silence is my strength
Silence is my weakness
Silence can be interpreted either way.

Why am I an atheist.

Islam could be good enough.. and for that matter, so do the rest of the religions of the world. To me religion is supposed to be a rule book. Animals don't have any religion, perhaps they don't need to follow rules. But if you watch them carefully, each animal has certain rules it follows. The rules are related to survival and sexual. These two are the basic instincts of every living thing.
I have deliberated a lot on religion and if I am going to be driven by it, basically driven by heaven and hell, which I know works on the human greed and fear. I decided I would rather work from love and respect. I do things if I love or respect it and I try to do it unconditionally.
So far, being an atheist has helped me clear my mind and made me into a better and more tolerant person than I ever was. Just changing the premise on which I based my life upon has been key in my progress. It works for me to be not attached to any religion. Maybe for many others religion is the dose they need to get on with their lives easily..
I am Ok if they are Ok and they should be Ok if I am Ok.

Added on 14 April 2017

[14/04, 7:32 am] Shazia: Atheism or theism..both are being black and white and judging is something i dont do. Calling names is not my thing. But i condemn harming someone. If a atheist harms anyone i would condemn it just the same.
[14/04, 7:35 am] Shazia: But between the two evils, for i am always choosing between two evils that i have to choose from, in order to get thru life, i choose the lesser evil and for me atheism is a lesser evil by far. Even if religion is a good thing, one thing is for sure, am not believing in any one religion. Therefore for me all God Allah Bhagwan would be same.

True lies

Truth is same for everyone.. it is the lies that distinguish us

On Cindrella

I have written about how a girl should be raised not as a princess but like that of Cindrella and thats precisely how she will be worthy of a prince and live happilly everafter.
When I wrote about this, all I had in mind was that girl should be hard working and should be aware of alll her responsibilities and learn all that makes a good woman. But when I was writing about it, I never once thought of how she should be made aware of how she should be feeling about things..about people..about life...
I was watching the movie Cindrella on some English movie channel the other day. I saw that Cindrella despite all the hardahips that she faced.. she wasnt a negative person..she was a cheerful girl. She never nursed any hatred. She sang songs while she worked. She was always good to people who put her in misery. She was hopeful for everything. Even in the end, after the Prince found her, she didnt take the hatred of her stepmother with her.She forgave her before she left her house, she freed herself from her feelings for the stepmother.
It might seem to many of us, that when she forgave her stepmother, the mother was left unpunished for all the sins she committed on the poor girl, but its not so, the best punishment for the evil is to actually forgive them and free ourselves for our own sake!
Reward the self before setting out to punish someone.. The deeds of the evil are enough to punish them.
And so I learnt that Cindrella was not just a hard working servant girl, she had the bestest heart and mind befitting a queen.! 

Self Doubt directly proportionate to lying to soul

"Self doubt comes from lying to one's conscience whether intentionally or not!"

" Some people pride themselves on seeing and depicting reality as it is. Some pride themselves on their ability to distort reality -  they take pride in amplifying or minimizing what reality is. "

If they are taking pride (that is their ego's doing not their doing) they are again deceiving their conscience....that would create self doubt and their ego wouldn't know it but their conscience would always know it. Taking pride itself becomes the ego!

Hadrilanities

Depending on the quantity of Adrenalin your body is habituated to...one is inclined to remain at extremeties or near the centre!

Now or Later.

My friend and I was talking about books and he told me he was reading a book which I could also like. I told him to send me the name of the book via mail. He asked me if it was OK to send it later as he wasn't connected to his wifi etc. This friend and myself are people who get on to do anything that has to be done immediately.
We have often spoken about how good we are in doing things much ahead of deadlines, and prided on it.
We hate people for whom there is no urgency and who treat any work as will do it soon (the train isn't leaving yet is it?) as and when the deadline is nearer. For them, two things probably happen, the work might not have to be done (something might happen and the work nullified) , and they will just finish the work on time. Or take some more time than the deadline. For them, the fact that they did the work is all that matters.. That's like bottom line..I did it. It doesn't matter when I chose to do it.
Now, the ones like us who would do it much ahead of deadline, would feel two things again, we take immense pride in finishing it ahead of deadlines, and we also feel cheated by these procrastinators who laze around and do it as and when they feel like.
Anyway, there is one more difference between them and us, this difference could also explain why do we treat work as urgent. The transaction of giving me the name of the bool brought this quality to the fore. Next day I kinda sensed that my friend would have forgotten to send me the name and so I reminded him to do the same. He sent the name and had to apologise for his forgetfulness.
Now, how do we feel when we have postponed something? First we find we are forgetful, and second we also find we had to apologise for such a petty thing.. A big blow to our pride.
If we look at this exchange carefully,  a simple request to share a book brought out quite a few of our qualities. If I hadn't requested the name to be sent on email, my friend would have sent it there and then on chat. And because of me we did postpone, which resulted in forgetfulness (reveals a bad quality and hence again bad for pride) plus had to apologise (negative for pride again).
Two setbacks received to our self. We can also add another negative point to the one more feel good factor we didn't give to self when we didn't do the work there and then, and Pat ourself on the back for having done it as soon as it was asked for.
Now, I know why I was rushing through everything..
1. If I did things fast I have brownie points to self.
2. If I postponed, I might likely forget and if I did I would hate myself for being so careless. We are the best on Earth, so how can we forget?? Yucks.
3. Apologise?? We Never say sorry. Never.

We pride ourselves on always completing tasks on time.. But that's only one part of life... To be able to set a vision for ourselves about what we want and to be able to focus on that is more important than completing all tasks way ahead of time... If one is primarily good at completing tasks on time, one is like a good retriever dog which picks up objects that you throw and brings them back to you and expects a pat or a bone"

Imagine an office situation, two people delegated tasks to be completed in say a week's time, people like me in a hurry to finish the task, would probably finish it in half the time and what happens when I go submit the task, instead of any reward we get another task. Now I may take that in good stride in the beginning and feel good about it, thinking I are super human beings, and we can do much more than the others. Sure, in the beginning it's all fun, and healthy competition, I might rise up, get few promotions or some raise as well. But what if I don't? Then? Would I not feel cheated and taken advantage of? So who is to blame?

See?? That's how I am trying to be aware of my feelings..that's how I will balance my worth and my false pride/ego. Sure it's good to be on time, but if we are forgetful, we ought to forgive ourself for that. It's like quid pro quo, we forget because we are always living on an edge, trying to be the best. If we just accept that we aren't that good, accept our frailities, we might actually begin to not be so forgetful.

In terms of energy, all things need energy, even to remember to do something needs energy.
Living on the edge is like hanging on.. And after hanging on a cliff, there is not much energy left to do anything else..is there?

So.. Retrace, back off, relax, and Pat yourself on the back for just being able to do that for now.

Have a good day. 

Addictive Pain

                                                                    Picture courtesy

When one is too long in one state. That state becomes his comfort zone.

Will try to explain how it happens using simple laws of physics and energy

Why is it that joy isn't addictive? Actually being in a state of happiness is largely by choice, we don't want to be unhappy, it is not desired to be unhappy, we can say it is a state of free will.
On the other hand being unhappy is not a decision that one makes, we are unhappy because something happened to us, fate perhaps dealt us a fatal blow.

When we are happy, we tend to be positive, have abundant energy, the feeling of being at the top of the world, it is a high state, all we need to do to be sad is just fall off that state.

We all know falling off requires no extra energy, so our energy is there but unused so far. In the beginning we might try to "Hang On". This "Hang on" slowly depletes us of all the abundant energy we felt earlier on in the state of happiness.

If we are able to pull back from the "Hang on" state we revert back to being where we were, that is back to the happy state.

But if we are unable to pull back, we keep moving down and into the deep abyss of pain. Energy is depleted completely.

The force of gravity helps with the downward spiral. After we have reached that state of perpetual pain, we have no more energy to pull back from that state.

We stay in the sad state and the pain then becomes an addiction.  

Regret and Guilt

If you would rather regret than feel guilt.. You actually are very guilty for all that you have done in the past.
And if you would rather be guilty and never have to regret.. You have probably have had a lot of regrets in the past!
Instead of choosing one over the other.. Just be aware of what you say and do and not be guilty of the regrets or regretful of any guilt!
Guilt or Regret is just an afterthought or after feeling what we should have felt about what we did, when we did it, if we were aware of it. Guilt or Regret just tells us we have become aware of what we did...It is not a medicine or a prevention of anything. The awareness that comes with it is the medicine and prevention for all future deeds.
We cannot undo what has been done by offering any kind of apologies or substitutes when we feel guilt or regret. It cannot give closure. Closure comes when awareness is understood and helps not to repeat the same pattern again. 

Gibberishly yours!

It's good to find someone who says.  "I know what you mean", even if I am talking gibberish!"

On Being Close...

I don't know if I am close to you...but I am trying very hard to be close to myself! 

My Super Baby

I had two kids in my twenties just within the first couple of years into marriage.
The first two kids were raised according to the elders of my family. My babies were born normal which is a miracle nowadays considering the numbers of cesarean babies being born all the time. I was told to breastfeed them and bottle feed them simultaneously since it so happens that purely breastfed babies give a traumatic time to mothers and are not easily weaned off. Giving in to instructions and assurances by the experienced, I did as I was bid. My first daughter was easily weaned off within the first 6 months and my second son was weaned off within a year.

I did everything else, the massages and the immunizations with the eagerness of a new parent. That they should get into school at the right time and learn all the colors and the alphabets and know how to speak English before they learned their own language.

While I was doing all this, my inner voice kept questioning me and making me feel like a traitor. How can I be a traitor to my own mother tongue and give preference to a foreign language and then expect my kids to grow up as self respecting adults. I don't know, I felt contradicted and torn! This was one of many things inside which was gnawing at my mind.
My kids are healthy kids but they are normal kids and despite my best efforts of doing the right things at the right time for them, they have not become what I would love to call a Super Baby.

Three and a half years ago, I had my third child. Now, this time too, I was bombarded with the do's and do not's by the elders. But this time, I had decided to hear all but listen to myself. I went back to the golden age when there were no medicines and no immunizations and the feeding bottle was not invented. I decided I will imagine a world where these things did not exist, and bring up my baby accordingly.

I breastfed my child for 3 years. She cried and exhausted me with her continuous cries for more and more, but I had no option to give her milk in any other form as in my world, the feeding bottle did not exist. The supplies did increase even if it took time. Obviously, there was no powder substitute like Lactogen or Cerelac also in my mind. When she was old enough to chew, she was introduced to fruits and whole grains and I gave her the same food I ate. No baby foods and no pampering. She was oiled and massaged well though, with different oils to help her to strengthen her bones and muscles.

Doesn't she have a naughty smile?

She is a strong baby, rarely falls sick, but even when she does I wait for a good 3 days to let her come out of it on her own and don't give her any medicine. Some people have accused me of being a cruel mom. I spend time with her, wiping her forehead with cold pressed towel and talk to her when she has a fever, and I give her lots of hugs and love. This is how I cure her. Thankfully she has always recouped well enough with my nursing of her back to health.

I haven't even put her to any playschool, and don't even bother to teach her anything. But she has been like a sponge gathering a lot of information and understanding of her own free will!! She has started to ask questions and to which I give her answers and the answers she remembers well, even if I have told her about it only once. I cant lie to her when I am going out because she remembers everything I tell her so well. I let her have all the fun in the bath and let her enjoy the water, let her walk barefoot and let her get all dirty in the garden. She takes showers even if it is zero degrees in winter. She eats by herself and sits with all of us at the dining table and eats on a plate which is not a baby plate. She even helps me around the house, she knows how to broom and dust and make the bed!! You better believe me! Here is a video I uploaded on you tube while she was at it!!

My parents and parents in law are a little worried because of the way I am bringing her up. I seriously am contemplating whether or not to send her to school and would it really benefit her?
As of now, she has a sharp memory and a keen mind with a perfect immune system inside her body which does not need any medication. She dances to songs and knows scores of songs and nursery rhymes which she has picked on her own. She is definitely what I would call a Super Baby and I have not worked even half as hard as I did on my older kids.

If most of us, develop the patience to raise up our kids like this, soon we will have a stronger, healthier and more immune India. Don't run off to the doctor at the sight of a cough or a sneeze or a temperature. let the body fight it on its own. We are one of the best of the creations and when animals don't need supplements and medications why do we?

I just let her be....herself!! let them all remain naturally fit!!

http://www.daburchyawanprash.com/

Rural encounter.

Picture credit http://www.artmajeur.com/en/artist/selvaimages/collection/water-colour-on-handmade-paper-2001/1291930/artwork/indian-village-women/4078249

A few days back I was sitting in a gold and silversmith's shop when two village belles strode in asking for a quarter of gold. One of them was very old and the other perhaps her daughter or daughter in law. Both wore those above calf length skirts with choli and dupatta. Looking at them I was reminded of the movies of yesteryears when most of the stories revolved around village belles who would be dressed like that. I had never seen villagers wear anything like that even though I used to spend summer holidays at a village in north UP.
I asked the older one what would she do with the quarter? The shopkeeper started to give an explanation instead and he said that they take pieces of gold and make their own ornaments. Whatever they wear is heavy solid and pure.
I was pleasantly surprised to see how talented, creative and independent the rural people are!

The older woman went on to say that the purpose of jewellery is to be heavy and chain like so that any woman wearing it has to feel the weight of it and be weighed down by it. A heavy necklace would ensure she didn't dare raise her head (or her voice). Heavy anklets ensured she could never run away. This is a kind of women policing women.

I don't know if it is right or wrong.. but after women have been liberated, men are a frustrated lot, they seem to hate the women who take away their jobs right from under their nose, who refuse to stay at home and wait upon them. On top of this, there are lesser females being born because of the male preference and thanks to foetal sex determination tests! 

Anyways...it was a nice experience to know life of the villagers!

Echoes......

I recently had to strip my entire wooden cupboard which had gotten infected with termites. When all the furnishings gone and the room barren and empty, the room seemed fairly large but what struck me was the echoes. In the beginning I just went to that room and said things to hear my own echo. My kids were also a little intrigued as to how the same room didn't sound before, the way it did now.

I went on a tangent of thought. I think echo happens when there is a sudden vacuum where there was something or someone? Then the place is larger and staying in that place is noisier because everything reverberates.
Now, what happens when someone is gone from your life, a lover, a child, a parent?
These are close people, when you talk to them you don't hear yourself back, it is comforting to have people there responding to you, tending to you, making you smile cry and laugh.
Sometimes, they go without notice which is most painful, but whatever the reason, the fact that they go and leave behind a vacuum which creates an echo is what I am concerned about.

How do you deal with that echo?
Some people shut themselves from their self because they don't want to admit that there is a vacuum and there is a pain of a loss. They go into self denial, create barriers around them so that no one else can enter and they never have to feel the echo of someone gone again.

Sometimes, one starts to look for some"one" to fill in  and sometimes one goes on a frenzy of making too many friends, thereby drowning the noise of the echo inside them by superficial external noises. This is also not a permanent fix is what I believe, but perhaps better than the first option of creating barriers and isolating yourself.
When you find that someone whom you can be as close, you perhaps rush into it, thinking automatically that the other person will fill in the vacuum just as a perfect glove fit. When this doesn't happen as it is bound to, one goes on a frenzy of making friends still trying to find someone to fill in....a perfect glove fit!

Neither should one stay forever in isolation and neither should one try to find the perfect fit.. the one who is gone is irreplaceable because you will see in nature there are no two leaves which are identical even if it sprouts from the same tree. This expectation is turning you to your own worst enemy!
I believe at times, one has to let go and it is not your fault, you cannot suffer for one mistake or one unfortunate event forever, you make a mistake, you punish yourself and then you move on, but going on punishing yourself forever, is not right, and is unjustified.

Too much of isolation makes one more fragile and any contact with people is stressful and too much of socialising is numbing and makes one out of sync with their own emotions.
The mountains are isolated places and hence fragile so what happened to Uttarakhand was because of too much stress with too many people thronging and causing immense stress to a place in need and habit of isolation..

I know it is easier said than done, but what's easy is boring too and life is nothing but boring no?
Some things are beyond our control like the supernaturals and that is what is beautifully brought out in the movie I watched last night. People who don't believe in God or miracles, have the hardest time in letting go, so perhaps if they met a spirit...they would change :)
Last night I was watching Talaash, the movie talks about spirits who move around and look for people who have deep pain or as I call it echoes inside and try to connect with them. I think I have become one such spirit!!

mirror mirror on the wall

photo credit http://photodesign1.com/?p=117

It is true that some people come into your life and bring out the best in you.
We fall in love with that person because we feel so nice with that person and we put forward our best behavior.
If the above holds true then there are some people who take out the worst in us and we hate that person and never want to ever remain in touch with the same.

If what people do is take out the best or beast in "US" then I wonder why do we love or hate them when the qualities that have come to the fore is uniquely entirely US.

Why do we love the mirror which shows the good in us and why do we hate the mirror which show the bad in us?
First of all, I think one should realise that we may think that our responses which were evil was because the other person was evil and we keep blaming the other for the bad things that happened because of him/her. We hate to see the part where it is as much as our own selves which is reflected in the whole encounter!!

A certain husband took out the best in his wife not because perhaps the husband was good so much as that wife who was inherently a good lady. Similarly for the worst!

So what are we really putting the blame and loving and hating someone else for what we are inside??
Perhaps we aren't brave enough to encounter or face upfront the evil things that reside in us and can never accept that it is "me" who is wrong, but even if we try or for that matter if I understand it, I am unable to rectify it and turn my own weaknesses into strength!!
Knowing your beast should help overcome it, but perhaps I am too weak and allow the beast to overcome me.
It must be true that the beast must be inside everyone. When we come face to face with our beastly side we can't stand it, although I think the sooner a person is aware of it the better for him to grow out of  it and overcome it and it can be done with the right attitude. The attitude of survival and the love for life.....

Maybe someday I will... maybe maybe!!

Forced Introvert or Extrovert?

I don't have much recollection of my childhood meaning perhaps the time when my mind was forming itself.
I remember when my grandfather came home, we (me and my sister) used to go to him and open our palms and he would drop in the change he had in his pocket. What I don't remember was that when he came, all the ladies of the house went behind curtains or to other rooms out of his sight. Mom tells me I followed suit, whereas my younger sister would bravely go to him and ask him," what did you bring for me?" And dada would drop some changes in her hands, seeing this I would hurry from behind the curtain and also ask for my share. So I was shy! This was a revelation!

There were many instances which confused me about me, if I went shopping for example, I would never enter a shop unless I really had to buy whereas my sister did not mind entering and asking for the prices and leave without buying. After my marriage, I wore the clothes my in laws bought for me without bothering if I looked good in it, if it was my taste. My sister once commented, how can you wear whatever they give you? You don't have to take in everything they give you. Have your say!

I always thought I was the stronger one than my sister. I was a little headstrong of course, but I let people run all over me, because I think behind all the headstrong and stubborn nature my primary instinct was of a people pleaser. I used to "say", I don't care to anyone and everyone, but that was just a show off and convince myself that I really didn't care, when I was just denying myself my own emotions. I recently read a lot of articles regarding introversion and extroversion and I am perplexed about my true nature?

I was most definitely an extrovert, a bubbly gregarious person, always saying yes to everyone, generous to a fault! My father would time and again remind me not to overdo myself. Ask my friends or open my true confessions book my friends filled in for me, they will all vouch for the same. Now why I say I was and use the past tense is because I think I have changed or transitioned to more of an introvert. I tend to like only selected people and others get on my nerves. I can't stand dual nature.  Most of all, I can't stand extroverts! I am shocked!

I have had the past month home alone for reasons I don't want to discuss here. But, time has flown, and I have not really craved company and enjoyed the peace so much, I am scared I will get addicted to it. The few days that my sister in law visited, we chatted and gossiped alot and by the end of the third day, my throat was paining!

I am even contemplating a solo trip in order to get to know what I really am. Somewhere while I was growing up I have let people influence me and in my desire to explore and curiosity to know more, I think I have lost myself and up until now, I thought someone else would complete me, perhaps my better half, someone to steer me, but I was wrong. In this journey of life, one is fortunate to find such a companion and if not then also, life must go on and maybe it will be a better life with no more outer influences and I will hopefully and most certainly be able to find me as I was born to be!

I think I was shy as a child but I saw that shyness doesn't gain merit. I remember when I was in class I and I had to go to the toilet, twice I did it in the classroom because I was so scared of the class teacher. The time that I would have asked her I would have rehearsed the speech a hundred times to myself.."may I go to toilet please?" I had to buy a school badge from the school office and I kept loitering outside the office but didn't have to courage to go and get it, and ultimately a cousin who was in the same school as me solved my dilemma. I want to say a little more about this cousin, this girl was 4 years my senior and an extrovert and I admired her tenacity and her boldness and I wanted to be everything that she was I took the same subject in class 9 as her because I wanted to be her!

Somehow when we are a child we are what we are and growing up we see certain things..and we like certain people we want to emulate and in the process lose ourselves. If we have it in us we can surely emulate and find success in life. My last blog on "practice what you preach" is about this. When we become something we aren't made to become we face failures in life, life then becomes a struggle. A different analogy to explain this is, in the movie 3 idiots where every parent aspires the son to become what he or she wants but not what the son wants or can become? So what happens is that the child is just a mediocre person in life whereas if he had been allowed to follow his instinct he would have carved out a niche for himself and lived happily!

Before marriage, during school life I selected my own friends, it is ironical to note that my friends, almost all of them were introverts, and I was the only wild one amongst them. My identity identified with an introvert and while I like extroverts because the world is for the extrovert and by the extrovert and of the extrovert!
My survival instinct was ruled over by wanting to be a people pleaser, hence I made many friends, I enjoyed big parties and my high energy or call it self denial never let me feel stressed out!
My obsession or deep craving to be acknowledged and praised pumped up my expectations for whatever I did. Involuntarily I started sacrificing myself, and still do. All this built huge pent up reserves of frustration of living too much for others and when I let it all out , it took a moment to break whatever god relations I had built up. In the end, people don't look at me as if I am a people pleaser! (and they are right because in reality deep inside my id is not a people pleaser, and my reactions or outbursts prove it rightly, it is my ego which wants to please people) I can't change overnight, but now consciously I tend to stop myself from going overboard, which also backfires because my huge reserves of energy makes me restless and unemployed.. so here I am writing my energies off!! haha!

Anyways, I have decided I am going to stop living in denial and be myself. My last blog on "Oh girl, be yourself" is on similar lines but different topic. You may want to take a look at that. I will take up one issue at a time and try to resolve or untangle my life and try to learn from the failures and hence be more successful now onwards..

The question if I am in extrovert or introvert, also rather depends on who I am with?
There is this one Walter Mischel who says that our being an extrovert or introvert largely depends on situational causes! I want to believe in him for now, and his findings resonate with me and answers my question of whether I am an extro or intro!
Maybe I am both, perhaps I am an extro if I like you and an intro if I don't like you! Perhaps I am just too moody!! I hope I find my answers one day...



Links to read
http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/personalityelem.htm
http://www.authentic-systems.com/featured-articles/sociopath-extrovert/
www.simplypsychology.org/defense-mechanisms.html

Oh girl! Be yourself!

I had earlier written about Oh boy!

Being a girl and a woman now.. I hated to be one!
Anytime any woman blamed a man for whatever happened to her, I would defend the man!
I believed that men were much better than any woman. I still do!
Men braved the outside world and worked hard, what does a woman know about hard work when all she does is bask in the glory of her husband!

What I didnt know or understand, was that all this looks so nice from the outside

From the time I had a male gynaecologist to deliver my baby, I have been a man's woman.
I have seen men to be more sensitive to a woman.
The second and third baby I had, was delivered by a woman, and she, believe me was quite rough with me!

I used to think that I am the only one amongst many woman who are female bashers. But I recently realised that its not just me, there are tonnes of women out there who seek approval and they merit the approval so much that they are willing to let go of themselves to the extent that they let themselves be misused and misunderstood, all for the sake of a good name!
I was running away from myself till now.

The women who cry foul are called feminist, and looked down upon. For the first time in my life I am feeling yucky about myself and the treatment I give to half the world of which I belong myself.
WHY are women their own worst enemy?

I remember the first time I defended a woman, when I watched a movie called Kramer versus Kramer. I had a discussion about this movie with a friend of mine who pronounced that leaving the child by the mother was a very unacceptable behaviour. Women who take the child away with her after separation is yet another unacceptable thing to do. After all the child belongs to the father as well! How ruthless women can be!!
I was befuddled! Oh Heck what is the woman supposed to do? I always thought if I had to leave my marriage and step out I would never take the kid along with me.
Two reasons
1. The child is not only mine, more than mine, its least mine. Its like I am just the factory who produced the product but the ownership of the child is the man who has paid for the upkeep and supplied the raw material maybe. It was my own way of numbing my own emotion and saying NO before somebody else did that to me!
2. As a woman, stepping out also means that I have to start to fend for myself without a proper home and shelter, and when I am so unsure where I will land up, I cannot take the risk of taking another soul and putting it at risk!
I came to realise that whatever I will do, it is always going to be looked down upon.

Recently I told my sil about how many times in life I have been molested by men since the beginning of childhood, be it people in the house or people outside. I never raised any alarm and when I told my sil about it, she rightly said, its your eyes bhabi, they dance when you talk so you attract people!! Whoa!

Then again, my mil called and she was complaining of a certain relative who was cruel to his wife who's mother had died recently and he didnt leave her to stay for some days with her father for consolation, and when I retaliated by saying, that its not entirely the man's fault, its the woman who has no bones to speak for herself and hence the man takes advantage of her. My mil was quick to say, the girl is a nice girl!

So all for the sake of being nice and merit? Why does a woman do this?
I saw a movie today, it is an old movie called Dor, two women of different backgrounds meet because of certain circumstances. The stronger one makes her own decisions and stands by her decisions and comes across as very fair and almost like a man. The beginning of the story shows that the in laws of the stronger woman is not willing to accept her as a daughter in law. The son goes away to foreign country for work and tells his parents that if they do not accept the daughter in law, he will cut all correspondence with them and they will hear about him only when he returns. Meanwhile He keeps sending his salary to his wife, The wife who is an independent woman and earns her own living gives the entire amount to his parents who admit later that they were wrong in judging her! They tell her that she has a right to her husband's money to which she replies, "I may deserve this money but I am not needy of it and my salary is enough for me." WOW
I am digressing a little by saying the above. The reason I mentioned this movie was that there was a small scene in this movie where a widow empathises with another widow and says, "when a woman does not understand another woman, then how can we expect a man to understand us?"

Then I saw another movie called Fihaal, where there are two best friends. One friend is very focussed, independent and never wants to marry or settle down because as per her, "A woman in any relationship has to compromise sooner or later!"  The other just wants to love a man and have a family with him. What happens in the movie is another story. But I want to focus on being able to make your own decisions and then be blamed for what happened to your life. In this movie also, due to circumstances of the plot of the movie, the two women friends fight and fail to understand each other!

I see that any woman who is strong and independent comes out a winner in the end. These independent women look like feminists who don't want to settle down and who doesn't want to compromise. They are their own friends, they have self respect, they don't want any approval from anyone, they are responsible and fair. They hardly cry foul and most importantly, they are the ones in both the movies who are the true friends to their female counterparts!
Most importantly I have learnt that the stronger woman is NOT a woman hater!!

All this makes me feel that while I thought I was strong, I wasn't, I was just a confused idiot till now! I was only one of those men pleasers who in the end because of the sacrifices she makes to please a father or a husband or a son or a brother is spurned and treated like a doormat because she held no self respect for herself and expected someone to fill her shoes!

Practice what you preach!

Its been long since I wrote anything meaningful!
I hope I am able to collect my thoughts enough to give some meaning to whatever I write!

I used to think that people don't practice what they preach and that they do it deliberately. Recently I have come to realise that its not just them but perhaps even I don't seem to practice what I preach and its not deliberate!! And not just me, there are a good many great men who are unable to do the same!

I figured there are two reasons
1. It definitely is easier said than done and moving the tongue is moving only one muscle compared to moving the entire body to be able to actually come down to doing whatever one preaches!
2. This is an important point and where I think most falter. This is the point I am going to take forward and explore in this post. I read recently what we are is what we aspire to be..we may aspire to be Gautam Buddha but again two points.
i. Do we really have it in us to be him? Do we have the raw material inside?
ii. This is the same as point no 2 above.. which brings us to are we trying to Do anything about our aspirations subject to point no i!

More than anything else, we need to first acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses and then based upon what we have as a raw material, by which I mean our mind and its capacity to think and our body and its capacity to withstand harsh times, and then based upon them, set our goals and ideals in life.

Most people seem to be too different about self perception and what they actually are. Most will over estimate themselves, many will underestimate themselves. This  difference in self perception is in no ways healthy. Many think or believe that under estimating self is far better than over estimating self.
For me, both is a lie, and both mislead. I am not saying that the person who does this is lying, which was what I used to think earlier when I believed that people did this deliberately! Its only that the person has perhaps ...

1. Not introspected enough and relied more on the feedback of others!
2. The person does not want to acknowledge his her own emotions and feelings (weaknesses and strengths), many men do that because of social pressures on men who are seem feminine if they talk about their emotions/feelings!

The best way to practice and preach is to rightly estimate and project the same to people and cause less stress for yourself and people around you! We can only find success in this by first admitting to ourselves to ourselves!
This can only happen if one truly has a firm grasp about his her own emotions and knows what makes him or her happy or sad or angry or fearsome?!!!

~Dr. Maxwell Maltz says,
''Our self-image and our habits tend to go together. Change one and you will automatically change the other.''

Straight but natural!

I had a craze for long hair, although for much of my growing up years, my hair was never beyond shoulder length. My mother always made me get a hair cut and said NO to long hair before I was old enough to manage it on my own. She also had a valid reason to not let it grow long. My hair wasn't particularly thick and lustrous and the belief is a regular trimming of the hair follicles makes it much healthier.

But, I had a normal straight hair which I absolutely loved. Both my mother and sister had very curly hair and I have never envied them for their curls. I loved straight hair.

Of course my hair wasn't the drop dead straight ironed kind of look, but who doesn't like a perfectly straight hair? These days, people go for chemical bonding which kind of permanently straightens the hair till the next growth. This wasn't done in my times, but it doesn't mean that I did not get my hair straightened.

What I did was, take care of my hair in a more natural way, feed my hair with a lot of oiling, shampooing also. I remember everyday I used to apply a small quantity of henna paste and amla and shikakai on my hair after I came back from school. Keep it on my hair for a couple of hours and then wash it before I had to step out of the house again for other activities. Every odd week, apply curd or egg and treat my hair as it was the most precious part of my body. 

The result was that by the time I was in high school, I had fairly good quality and naturally straight hair. I always had it open and disliked to tie or braid it lest it left a mark on my straight hair. Sometimes people mistook me to be a Sikh just because of the long hair that I flaunted!

Around 10 years ago, when the process of bonding or the tongs which straightened the hair wasn't available in the hair care segment, I had gone to a beauty parlour and asked them to straighten my hair like the Chinese had. The pin drop kind of straight hair which one can't get through blow drying only. So what they did was take a clothes iron and pressed my hair with it. It came out pretty well, and I started to iron (with an iron) it whenever I had to make an appearance at a function. It was all going good, but I think so much of heating and pressing made the hair quality rough and dry. 

I realised subsequently that good hair is not straight or curly, but good hair is that which is healthy inside out. What I was doing is only ironing the creases which were visible and not caring for the root of why the hair was not looking good naturally?! I have stopped this ironing or blow drying long time back. I have come to realise that the best hair can only be if it is naturally good thick and lustrous. 

Straight hair is so much in vogue nowadays, with every woman saving every money to splurge on rebonding after rebonding. Sure, it looks so organised and not a hair out of place, but somehow, I like the odd strand to peep out of nowhere and fall in light curls on my face. It looks so nice.

Recently I saw Talaash, I dont know if Rani was wearing a wig or not. But her natural look along with the natural fall of her hair was what made me gasp in wonder (and I am a woman not a man).

Here is a picture of Rani and the naturalness of her straight hair.

Sure, my experiment with straight hair is not the wackiest or craziest one but am I not grateful to stop it in time!! I rest my case!

Picture from here

Why did Betty lose?

Why did Betty lose out to Veronica?

Betty was nice sweet girl next door, the girl every son would want to take home to his mother.
Dependable and caring and most importantly always available!

She has eyes ears and nose only for Archie, she had empathy for every one but she loved only one.
And this putting all her eggs in one basket was her fatal flaw.

She was tooo boring for Archie, he didn't get the kick of a challenge when it came to Betty, she should have scorned him a bit, just showed him the door or said NO to him once in a while, which would have gotten him the hots for her.

But, alas the sweet girl she was, she didnt have the nerve or the heart to behave that way with her beloved Archie.

I had decided long time back that I was never going to be a Betty. A Betty will always be a doormat, and too boring, always available is too boring.

Now, let me see this from Betty's perspective. Why did she go after Archie?
The same thing no? He didn't give a damn about her? He was nice and sweet to her, but he didn't make her feel special.
He did care for her too, but face the fact, he didn't have the hots for her, and Betty could have had any other, there were some who had the hots for her, but she wanted the same thing. Some thrill and zing with a person with whom she had to add an extra effort to catch his attention.

The effort I am talking about is not about being dependable and available for that person!
On the contrary it means to be aloof a bit, arrogant and proud a bit.
Someone who is like Veronica!!
Yes, be yourself, live for yourself, and seek your own pleasure above anyone else.
No matter how much you love that person, never let him or her know you are available for him.
No matter how much one can crave for that perfect relationship, where two souls are like one, where one breathes and the other lives, where one eats and the other is full.
This doesn't happen and if it happens, you want to clutch it with both hands and the further then it goes away from you.
Face it, its next to impossible, so if it happens you are one in a million, but most of us aren't that lucky.

I have a bit of advice for the Betty's out there, if you are one, get rid of that attitude, because the world is not fit for Bettys. You will be used and discarded and termed too boring or too plain Jane!!

As my mom told me, this happens only in movies and stories and in real life, it is like bubbles of water, so fragile that it breaks with as much as just a touch!!

Am I glad I made the right choice!!



Picture from here

Arrange it by love only!

Outwardly I am the one modern girl, but when it comes to traditions and customs, I don't dare to challenge them and rebel against them. So when my time came and was going to tie the knot, I very much knew what I had to do. Yes, Arranged marriage was the one for me. I did all the research and all data pointed out that arranged marriages last and not the love marriages which have a high divorce rate.

I don't think the affairs I had were hardly "love", they were mostly infatuation affairs where there was not a single one I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Apart from all this society attaches a stigmatic approach towards love marriages which made me shun love marriages even more.

I was quite a fan of fairy tales and romantic movies where the hero is every girl's dream man. Between friends we would spend the whole day thinking who would that one be? Which alphabet would his name start with? We each would make a list of what we would like in our man. The best alpha male should be tall dark handsome and a typical MB hero.

Alas, The ideal man perhaps didn't exist or I wasn't capable of finding him. And why should I be so bothered when my parents were so eager to shoulder the responsibility of finding him for me. In any case we are still a conservative community where love marriages are far and few in between. I was even more convinced that my parents would know what is best for me and hence I had no qualms for going for the arranged marriage.

Now I got married into a joint family and which was a boon in disguise. I have come to realise that arranged marriage is an integral part of the arranged marriage system. A joint family is also a kind of support like arrange marriage is, where there is not two people who get married to each other, but the families also get married to each other. So, the presence of joint family is a must for arrange marriage to survive.

What happens is, in arranged marriage, the couple are not so interactive with each other. There are so many members in the house and spending time with each one of them does not leave much time or energy to interact with each other. When I would complain to my mom about the lack of time and love I got from my partner, she would explain that, "you are lucky you are in a joint family, because as long as you will stay with his parents and others, he will be more empathetic towards you and love you more, because you take care of his family, rather when you will live alone, then in the absence of a third person, you two will start to fight amongst yourself." She seemed logically correct and so I was quite satisfied with her explanation.

There is another major advantage why I strongly believed in arrange marriages. The guarantee and support of parents for a lifetime. To tell you the truth, this was the major reason I finally succumbed to arranged marriage. So I was sure, if anything would go wrong, my parents were there. If I had opted for love marriage, this option was null and void.

These days however, due to the dwindling practice of joint family system which is the root of the plant called arranged marriages, love marriages may be the one choice to make. The right person may not come early in life because one does not have the maturity to know what or who is right for oneself. So early marriage is out. One may well be in his late twenties or thirties before one does tie the knot, if at all, there is someone who is worth it.

In modern nuclear families, where only the husband and wife live under the same roof, there is bound to be more friction if their mentalities don't match. So nowadays, both should have the same kind of wiring and share the same wave length. This is possible only when both meet and court each other for a longer time and get to know each other completely before deciding to settle together and start a family. So, even if the marriage is arranged by the parents, it is important that YOU should also know what you want and like in your partner. Parents look for the stability and security a man offers, But YOU have to decide if he is the right companion for you, a friend for you or a guide for your entire life.

The responsibility now lies entirely on the couple and not the parents or any other relatives, so now with more freedom to choose for own self, the love should be more mature and responsible. More than love, it should be about practical living. Excess romanticism in the beginning will increase the expectations of each other, which is bad for the long term stability of the relationship. In real life, no one will bring you stars or sing songs in the rain. and those who will, will not do it forever. Don't ask for such things either, as they are not long term requisites in a partner.

Looking at the current and future scenarios, the world has become a smaller place and with so much communication and opportunities, one should be able to find a partner by themselves and opt for love marriages. Love marriages are not a bad option and quite a positive one if YOU know what YOU want!!

As I said, the arrange marriage is just the stem of the plant of which joint family is the root. So, look where you are going before you finally decide on which one is suitable for you!!

check out more at http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

Honesty prays

My seven year old nephew is very God fearing and is ready before noon to offer his friday prayers.

Today being a friday, he had a special wish to ask from God!

He was seen earnestly praying and offering his salaat.

When I asked what was it he was asking Allah.

He replied, " Allah and Satan fought and Allah won. So Allah has locked Satan in the bathroom."
So he said he was asking Allah to please take out Satan from the bathroom and lock him elsewhere because it has become very difficult for him to go to the bathroom even during the daytime And he is so scared that Satan may hurt him inside the bathroom.

Amazing wishes of the kids!

Picture from here

This entry is a part of the contest at <a title="The Largest and the most active community of Indian Bloggers" href="http://www.blogadda.com" target="_blank">BlogAdda.com</a> in association with <a title="Your Khatti Meethi Family" href="http://www.imlee.com" target="_blank">imlee.com</a>

cup or prize?

My kids are having their final exams. My son came back from school today and I asked him the usual," How was the paper?" he replied that it was fairly easy.

Now last quarter my son had been rather good and was awarded with full marks in his General Knowledge test. This got my aspirations and hopes higher for him. Now I want him to get full marks in all his subjects.
I always ask him after the end of each test, "full marks?"
He tried to explain to me that the GK marks he got was because that particular test was quite easy, and he added that almost all the boys scored well in that GK one, though only he got full, and just because he got it once doesn't mean he will get it all the time.
:( So much for my hopes.

 He further explained to me that it is one thing to get a prize in sports and another to get it in academics. He said that in sports, one got the prize at the end of the day and the prize is so sought after like the world cup and everyone wants to touch it. While in academics, one gets it after the end of a year of slogging and that too, it is a small prize comparatively and most probably a book!

I was dumbfounded! these kids come out with the most logical explanations at times..

Picture from here

This entry is a part of the contest at <a title="The Largest and the most active community of Indian Bloggers" href="http://www.blogadda.com" target="_blank">BlogAdda.com</a> in association with <a title="Your Khatti Meethi Family" href="http://www.imlee.com" target="_blank">imlee.com</a>

Ride ride and away..

In olden days, a middle class well to do joint family owned one car while many bikes or scooters, unlike nowadays where there are per car per member of the family. I was a part of one such family.
I grew up seeing my father ride a bullet. He had this big bike he had bought in the year 1967. It had a sputtering sound which I always identified with him. The bike was already a decade old by the time I was born and he rode it till around I was more than 2 decades old, after that he had less use of it as his travelling decreased due to his office at home kind of work. That bike is still there, a little rusty though because of lack of usage.

That's the bike, almost an antique no?

Now, he would always ride his bullet with complete gear, meaning, he would always wear hand gloves, a well covered helmet and a riding leather jacket even in those times. I mean I saw my uncles (4 of them) always with upgraded new models of bikes, and they just rode without any gear. Papa on the other hand was meticulous and very particular about safe riding. This is also the reason perhaps why my father never met with any accident, while all of my uncles had an accident due to their careless attitude towards riding their bikes. As a result, one day one came home with a bleeding nose and another day another uncle with a fractured leg.

There was one more thing, he rode at one speed, neither very fast nor slow.
I observed riding on his pillion that when we went anywhere he would always be left behind other bikers who would zoom past us and I felt like oh why cant he ride a bit faster?! But by the time, we reached the traffic signal, I found the riders who had earlier zoomed past us waiting impatiently there. So, I realised that since we weren't actually in a race, the one who zoomed past us didn't actually win by speeding!
My father explained that driving at a constant speed increases the fuel efficiency and also enhances the life of both the bike and bike rider! I couldn't disagree with him even for the sake of the love for thrill!

Riding a bike is obviously not at all feminine in the conformed sense of the word. But what was the harm in learning to drive one? So, when the kinetic honda came along which had a small button as a starter and you did not have to kick start it, I tried my hands on it and managed to drive it. I am quite a good cyclist, so maintaining balance wasn't difficult. The only difference is that the bike certainly feels heavy to handle! I decided I was not going to be much of a rider and so gave up much practising on it.

Apart from my father, two of my school teachers rode bullets. I really looked up at them for being able to drive such a fierce machine. Even though I wasn't a rider, I really liked rides on bikes. Its thrilling to have the wind blow at your face at full speed and you feel as if you are almost flying. I missed this while driving a car, because even with the windows down, you cant romance the wind like you do when you are on a bike!

These days youngsters drive very recklessly and for this reason, my father never allowed my brother a bike. Instead he bought him a car for safety purposes. Its not just the bikers I think, its the lack of time that people have and the need to always hurry. Every other day we hear a smashed skull due to a bike accident. Last year, a class 12 student of my daughter's school died because he rode without a helmet. Its so heartbreaking to see young lives waste away because of reckless driving. I don't say accidents happen only in bikes, but a car accident is less catastrophic than a bike accident.

Bike riding is nice and fun, but please remember you have to reach somewhere and that is why you use a bike and you are not in a race where you have to come first. My father was a bike lover and a great rider, who treated his bike and himself with utmost care. When we talk of bike riding, we think of thrill, adventure and speed, but its more than just all that. It is first of all a vehicle which makes transportation quick and makes the narrowest alley accessible. It is a great innovation and a beautiful machine. A passionate rider would not be one who zip zap and zooms, rather I think he would be someone like my father who would love the machine as a man loves his better half!

Multitasking man

Women are more often called multitaskers
Today I saw a man multitasking. I was pleasantly surprised.

I usually thought that I had no patience to become a shopkeeper or even a teacher. Especially shopkeepers seemed to be doing nothing, except endlessly waiting for the customer to come and buy. Their work made me want to go to sleep. I would rather become a labour in a factory where I continuously worked each cell in my body. Being still is so lethargic!!

Now, this man, is the owner of a shop which sells nick nacks, like chips chocolates small items basically.

It was right in the middle of a hot afternoon and I looked at either side of his shop, there were shops like his which had no customers and the keepers were either just staring out into the street in anticipation of spotting a customer, or idlying and almost dozing off.

Why am I so impressed with him? What was he doing? He was basically utilising his free time. A man who had ability to value time and perhaps a sense of time management. He may not hold a degree to get good jobs in a higher office. He may be slow in getting rich because perhaps his expenditure was at par or more to his income for whatever reason (likely a big family). But, I think WOW what efficiency! If I owned a company, I would look out for people who value time and people like him just fit the bill!

He was a bit surprised when my daughter went right up to his shop and took this picture. You can see he is staring right back into the camera!! :P

Please note he is not ironing his own clothes, he takes clothes like a dhobi does to iron them and return to the owners in order to get paid for his services. He is running a two in shop and offering his services and goods via the same outlet.
Ironman plus shopman! isnt it wonderful time management? I don't mind shopkeeping any more. He has shown me that it can be made much more enjoyable!

I found this cartoon picture and I couldn't help relating to enjoying work even if you hate it.

nine pins game, only the ball is the head which is chopped off!! :P

(sorry for those who get offended, but the choppers also need to enjoy their work!!)

Rewarding is worth it!

I was having tea and like the Tata tea ad (jaago re) suddenly it seemed as if it was the tea which enlightened me.
I usually have a habit of going back in time..
I am quite surprised at my own chain of thoughts..
This is how it all started..
While sipping my evening tea, my eyes fell on the neatly lined up shoes of my toddler.
I was thinking, barely she is 2 and she has such a collection.. So cute it looks small shoes of different colours.
And then, I was reminded of the fairy tale I read in junior school, "the elves and the shoemaker."
The shoemaker is very poor and day by day his fortunes seemed to be dwindling. One night, all he has left is enough scrap of leather to make just one pair of shoes. He tells his wife, he has no ways to survive after he sells off that pair. He cuts the leather to be sewn the next morning. Lo and Behold, when he wakes up the next morning and goes to his workshop, he finds them neatly stitched already. He is amazed at the neatness of the work, but cannot understand who had done it.

A wealthy customer happens to come to buy a shoe and the shoemaker shows him the only pair he had. The customer is so taken by the shoe that he pays the shopkeeper double the rate quoted for the shoe. ( you can read the rest of the story here ) Here I start thinking, how many of us would actually do that? Get a good thing for a less price is something we all like. But, can it happen that a simple honest man sells at a very low rate and the buyer which means mostly people like us, recognises the effort and pays him back double.

Ok forget about being so generous, how many of us if by mistake got something more from a shop than what we paid for would be not ecstatic that we got it free and return it to the shop the next day? Or perhaps sometimes, paid a bill and got more change because the keeper couldn't calculate?
It has happened with me, I bought 4 dresses and they charged me for only 3. Perhaps they faulted in the counting since all were of the same amount. Anyways, I went back after a couple of days, to buy more. They did not seem to remember any mistake, but when they were billing, I told them to add the price of one more dress which i had bought the previous day and charge it to the current bill.

No, I don't do it because I am very good at heart. I am very careless too. Many times, I have left the counter after paying and before collecting the change. Many and I say many because it has happened more than a few times, they have run after me to give me back my change. I wouldn't be knowing if there were any who did not return, because I just seem to be so lost and in such hurry most of the times. I would do the same for anyone because I know how people can be preoccupied with things and make mistakes. I can keep myself in their positions and I can understand them. What I mean is, probably I have the warmth to do it because people have been kind to me. Even if I was duped at any time, I hope to not have a change of heart and start to take out vengeance from other people. Terrorists do this, they take revenge simply because they suffered in the hands of others.

What if we all started to actually go back and paid for things which was by mistake left unpaid?
What if we were to return back honestly a payment excessively made or returned the change because the other forgot to?
What if we actually rewarded with more than the price because we know it is worth more?

I have been able to do the first two, and most would have probably. Thinking of the third one, rewarding when ever I get a chance.. To reward or give more because I feel I haven't given enough payment and that the product or services that I am buying is worth more than what I paid for.

This can be done when we make our employees work for us. Services specially is something which is not measurable in kilograms or litres or anything like that for that matter. Most times, services is measured by the amount of time given by someone. He or She comes for this and this much hours so we pay this and this amount of money. But, many times, The quality of time spent is different, meaning the work done in that time, more work in less time or better quality, more efficiency. Should not people who are in a position to reward, should reward if they get more than their fair amount in return?

I met my cousin recently. He was telling me of his beginning days in the service industry. He said he had joined office full of enthusiasm and in the most optimistic of I will change the world attitude. He told me, whenever there was any problem, he would be ready to deal with it and would want to go to the core of it. But, his seniors neither gave him the time nor the advice to go to the core. So all he would do was just rectify  the mistake so that the process would go on. Today, he says he believes that all that matters is that the job should be done not how it is done. Sadly he has given up and changed with the world. He sees the many recruits who join work as enthusiastic as he once was, but he thinks to himself, its just a matter of time when they will too join him. An incentive or reward perhaps matters a lot.

A friend of mine once told me that he used to go to the hospital for treatment for his mom. when after a month or so his mom's health improved lots and he was so happy with her improvement, he asked for the nurse who used to look after her and asked the doctor if he could reward her separately besides paying the hospital bills. The doctor let him and he gave the nurse a handsome tip. She must be so must encouraged by this gesture and so much more richer in soul because of such deeds.

Would n't the world be a better place and much organised were there people like the gentleman who came to the shoemaker and gave him double the price of one shoe because he saw it fit to be worth more?
Of course, all of us are not corporate bigwigs who have the authority to reward. Surely we can do our little tit bits by raising our voice, by rewarding whenever we feel that we got more than we paid for and not take advantage of honest people?

PS. Make sure you read the story too! The elves got their rewards too!!

Heal the world!

The telephone bell rings..
Ring? Ring? Ring? Ring?
There is no one to answer the call


Question 1 : Do you know who the caller is?
Answer 1 : The caller is mother Earth.


Question 2 : Do you know who the receiver is or should be?
Answer 2 : You, me and everybody.


Question 3 : Why is no one answering the call then?
Answer 3 : No one can hear...or perhaps not bothered.


Question 4 : Are you saying people are deaf?
Answer 4 : No, they are just thick skinned. They just don't get it if its not loud enough.


Question 5 : They seem to be picking every other call but?
Answer 5 : Sure, sometimes they are annoyed by the number of calls they get from the telemarketing or banks etc offering them some schemes, hearing of which they first turn pink (blush) because they hear the word free gift or something like that, then suddenly it changes to crimson(anger) when they find that the free is just to lure them so that they can be talked to for some idea they want to sell first.  Apart from this, there is the problem of too much noise pollution and it has also deafened our ears. Too many factories churning out products which we can well live without. We make far too many things and purchase far too many than really required. Everyone is greedy for more. The more they have the more they want.
I tell you people have no time to talk unless it is free, or discounted heavily for that matter. Its another thing that what they think is free is firstly something they don't really "need" and secondly the free is marked with a * which has a fine print in the bottom which is "conditions apply," meaning they are not really free by itself, its just free after you buy something.


Question 6 : Isn't mother Earth offering everything FREE.
Answer 6 : You have a point there. I guess its about economics and dosage. She has been on sale since eternity. So the law of diminishing marginal utility has actually negated the thrill of getting so many things for free. For the layman, this law simply means that if you eat a rosogolla, the first one gives you immense satisfaction. The second gives lesser and so by the time you are having your 10th rosogolla you want to puke, even if you have paid for all 10.
Now imagine how the effect is for free free free.. endless dosage.. the more you have the less you get joy from it.

Question 7 : Hmm, this call seems doomed!! Mother Earth will have to try some other way to call or signal?
Answer 7 : Well, I have been thinking its the skin at fault and not the ear.

Question 8 : Skin? Not the ear? What do you mean?
Answer 8 : Yes, Thick skin. You see people have become more and more thick skinned. The more people talk, the less they do and this has created a noise (as well as fat under their skin because of less doing and more talking) which no one cares to listen to. There is a hindi proverb, "laaton ke bhooth baaton se nahi maante." It means you got to kick people to get them to work. Probably she has to do something big or loud enough to attract attention. 
Our mother is suffering and she is in immense pain, so she keeps ringing.

Question 9 : She has given signals in the form of natural disasters..but she insists on calling more..I wonder why?

Answer 9 : We all know why.. Don't we? She needs to be cared. She is someone who is given us much and unflinchingly still gives. But we take far too much advantage. She is crying for help. We are her doctors. She wont give up, she believes, she will get an answer one day...

" There's a place in your heart, and she knows that it is love."

That is why she is called Mother. Mothers are givers. But, it doesn't mean we only take and not return. She will not use the kick unless we compel her too. We don't want any more earthquakes and Tsunami's do we? Don't you think that the time has come when we should start healing and caring for Mother earth? We should "ACT NOW" or it will become a case of never ever... 
Disclaimer: The title and a line is used from a Michael Jackson song.


Thank you voice of india for inspiring me to write this.


Pictures from here, here, here and here

funny

A cousin dropped in today.
This guy is very funny. I mean he was actually funny in a very funny way.
Let me tell you the first time I thought he was really funny.
He was perhaps in class 5 or so. Pretty much a kid.
He came back from school one day in march many years ago. Since we all lived together then, I still remember very clearly that funny day. He had come home from school and his mom checked his question paper asked him the usual, "beta, you knew all the answers na, did you write them all na?"


He said, he answered to all of them, except one. 
"Why, you forgot the answer? his mom asked.
Now just be ready to hear the most funny answer a kid could ever give. 
He said, "they asked the same question in the half yearly paper, I had given right answer then, so they can go and check from half yearly papers, why should I waste time to write again?" 


Today, he is a young lad, I happened to ask him about his graduation results, he said he passed second class. He had an elder sister who was good in studies, and I asked him how much did she get?
Again the funny reply, " oh these sisters are so padhaakoo (studious) types, what they get in one year, I get it in 2 years.
I was looking at him confused.. what do you get in two and they get in one?
He replied in his usual care a damn attitude, " marks.. I get around 80 or 90 max in 2 years and they get it in one year!!

Funny no? J